Thursday, March 4, 2010
How to Give Yourself an Enema
If you're like me, you consider the rectum to be an EXIT, not an ENTRANCE. And it took some SERIOUS thought and decision making to decide to partake of a cleanse that involved enemas. They freak me out. My butt freaks me out...my rectum, even more! I'm just not very mature when it comes to my bung.
That being said, and the decision made, I needed to learn how to give myself an enema. And, well, who are you gonna ask about the fine art of such a thing? I went on line. That's part of the reason I'm writing this. I accidentally ended up on some of the weirdest sites you can imagine, that only made my fear greater. Ya know, there are people who do this sort of thing for sexual satisfaction and are only too happy to tell you about it. OMG. That's all I'm gonna say about that. To each their own. But I had to look at a LOT of stuff before I really got the idea, and then I bucked up and asked a friend of mine who I knew had done cleanses. We approach it a little differently, but she at least was willing to answer my questions. And I will answer yours. I'm not a pro, and everyone will approach it a little differently, and everyone's body will respond differently, but if you ask a question, I'll answer it if I know how.
The gizmo in the photo is EXACTLY the set-up I have. For $10-$15 you buy a hot water bottle (which will hold around 2 quarts when totally full), that says it includes douche and enema attachments. So you'll get the hot water bottle with a cap for just using as a hot water bottle, and the tubing, and a douche tip (which in this photo is shown attached to the tubing), and an enema tip which is shown above lying next to that s shaped hook (which is used to hang the bag). If you also notice in the photo above, there is a clampy thingy on the tubing. This is your friend. Become very familiar with how it works. I scooted the clamp on mine much closer to the tip for ease of reaching.
First steps, assess the environment. Lots of directions will say to lie on your bed. Not gonna happen. There will be leakage. Shit happens (I couldn't resist saying that). For the most part, however, the leakage will just be whatever liquid you are using and very little, if any, actual poo. I only do it lying on my bathroom floor as near the toilet as I can. So look around your bathroom, figure out where you can lie down, and figure out which towel rack or cupboard nob will be closest to your bum where the tubing will still reach. You need to hang the bag so gravity will allow the liquid to enter.
I cannot stress this enough: This can be sort of a gross job so cleanliness is really really important. I've done this in houses where I had carpeting on the bathroom floor and in houses with linoleum (which I prefer). During a cleanse, my bathroom is so clean you could eat off the floor. Not that I would, but, well, I could. I don't want to lie down on a floor with hair or pee dribbles on it...got me? So I start by figuring out where everything will go and where I will lie.
Here's what you'll need:
*Your enema bag/tubing/tip
*Your pre-brewed, body temp coffee
*Old blanket (for the floor and for cushioning for your body)
*Old large bath towels (preferably light colored old ones that could be bleached), At Least two.
*A large plastic garbage bag.
*A small portable heater is nice and place it where you know you can reach the controls...you will not be moving around much once you get going.
*A candle if you want, for focal point and relaxation
Some music to listen to, or if you're really brave, a book to read...you're gonna lay on that floor a while.
*A TIMER or clock within eyesight of your spot on the floor.
*Some form of lubrication. KY jelly or Astroglide works well. You only need a small tube for the entire duration of the cleanse.
*Flushable wipes. Place these right by the toilet. And have plenty of TP
*A couple of Kleenxes or some TP on the floor near you.
*Clorox wipes would be handy.
*Until you get the hang of things and establish a routine, count on at least 2 hours in the bathroom. It won't take this long, and it will become quicker and easier as the cleanse goes on, but DO NOT allow anyone to interrupt you. Try to do it when nobody is home, or if you have more than one bathroom, lock yourself in and under no circumstances short of the house being on fire or a kid bleeding from a major artery...you are not to be bothered).
*CLEAN THE BATHROOM
*Have the toilet lid OPEN, wipes and TP nearby
*Create the space to lay down on. I usually lay the bathmat where my hips will go and over that I place the folded blanket long enough for my entire body to lie on, then under the hip area the garbage bag, and over that, the folded bath towel. I roll up the other bath towel to use as a pillow while I'm laying on the floor.
*Close any curtains, close/lock doors
*Attach the enema tip to the tubing and screw it down hard. You do not want to have to explain how you lost that tip in your rectum to the ER staff! Be sure the clamp is scooted near the tip and clamp it down hard. You'll only forget to do this once. Trust me.
*If you have not yet done so, fill the hot water bottle with body temp coffee. Fill the bottle ALL the WAY to the top. If you don't have quite that much coffee in the pot, add warm water until full. If you are doing some other sort of enema, follow whatever instructions you are given for contents. The bowel doesn't have many feeling receptors except right at the rectum, so be sure it is not too hot. Then screw the capped end of the tubing into the hot water bottle, making sure all connections and clamps are secure. To release any air in the tubing, hold the tip over the sink and let the clamp open until you have free flow of liquid and then reclamp it TIGHT. Then hang it on the chosen towel rack or cupboard knob you've chosen that will be higher than your bum.
*Try lying in the space you've created to see if it all seems good and the tip will reach from where you've hung it. Be sure everything you will need is within reach.
*Place the timer near you on the floor, with a couple of kleenxes, check to be sure your heater if using one is within reach, and light your candle if using one and adjust the volume on your music (if all else fails, some Barry White or Teddy Pendergrass might woo you into the mood...or not). Get a wash cloth by the sink and go over once more in your head that you have everything set up and ready. Take a pee...Like all things, it's always good to take a pee before you get started on something that will take time and prevent you from going once you're all full of butt-latte.
*OK, we might be ready to begin. Get naked. That's right. Totally naked. It's is easier and less messy. Put some KY on your bum and on the enema tip. Lie down on your LEFT side where you will be for the duration. Bring your knees up to about a 45 degree angle, or whatever ends up working best for you. Grasp the tubing just behind the tip and GENTLY and SLOWLY insert it into the rectum until you have it all the way in (2-3 inches) and are still holding FIRMLY to the outer ridged ring. If this is freaky to you and you clamp up a bit, GENTLY push slightly outward (like you are trying to poo or fart). This will facilitate getting the tip inserted. It will get easier. Trust me.
*Next, with great care and control, grasp the clamp and hold it tightly so you have control over it and release it a click or two (it has notches in it)...see how that feels. At your own pace, experiment with how open you want the clamp to be. If you release it too fast you will cramp up right away, and if you release it too slow you will be there until Christmas. So adjust it to your comfort. Sometimes while the bag is emptying, you will cramp (like you need to poop). When this happens, I simply clamp the clamp and wait a second or two for the feeling to pass, and then resume. Also important to note, when you have a cramp while emptying the bag, be sure you are holding tightly to the tubing and tip. The cramp can actually draw the tip deeper into the rectum, and again...we don't want any pieces missing when we're all done. Keep at it until the bag totally flattens itself out. Then...very important...CLAMP the CLAMP before removing it from your bum. At this point, depending on the arrangement of your bathroom, you can put the tube into the tub or sink if it reaches, and eventually you will learn how much movement you can tolerate but you could put the whole bag and tubing into the tub or sink to deal with when you are all done. Or just leave it hang where it is. It could take anywhere from 5 min to much longer to empty the bag depending on your comfort and tolerance for the flow. The first few times it will take longer simply because you will be nervous and extra careful.
*Now set the timer. Many directions say 15 minutes. I go for 30. There is really little difference in sensation once you get used to it. The first time I did it, I misread the signs and ran for the pot with the first cramp. What I learned is, you will have strong urges to poop and cramping (like you have a virus or something), but IF YOU BREATHE, PINCH, SUCK IT UP, and I SWEAR to you, the feeling will pass in less than 5 seconds and then you feel in control again. This may happen 4 or more times in a 30 min period but you just ride the wave and it will subside VERY quickly. Relax as much as possible. Sometimes when I have a cramp I visualize the fluid going even higher into my system rather than it trying to shoot OUT. And don't be surprised if there is leakage...it happens...the urges are strong and the fluid is, well...fluid. That's why you took those precautions with towels and plastic etc. If you're a woman whose given birth, utilize childbirth breathing and think of the cramps like contractions. They DO NOT hurt, it just feels like it takes all of your strength to hold it in when it hits.
*Once the time is up, do not, I repeat DO NOT ever attempt to move or get to the potty while you are having the urge or you will blow it everywhere. Wait until that strong urge passes, and THEN get up and go to the potty. You can use the Kleenx or TP that you have laying beside you to blot or wipe up before getting up so as not to drip or leave a trail. As you get up, flip on the bathroom fan if you've got one.
*A word or two about evacuating the bowels. Everyone's body is different, but for me there is an immediate flood and then it stops. You might think you're done. You're not. Twist from side to side, perhaps sit tall, or perhaps massage your tummy from just below the ribs back and forth from side to side to the pelvis. For me, I have 3-4 more surges of evacuation before I'm done. NO point getting all cleaned up only to find out you are not done. This could take 5-10 minutes depending on your body.
*From here it is a matter of cleaning up. You may want to bathe or shower. Use TP to clean up the most of it, then follow up with flushable wipes, and then either use a hot wash cloth or bathe.
*CLEAN THE BATHROOM . For God's sake, look around, lift the toilet seat...you will have splattered everywhere under the rim. Clean it up first with some TP and then a flushable wipe or Clorox wipe. Have some courtesy for the next one to use the bathroom. Gather up all of the stuff you brought in and wash anything that needs washing.
*Clean the supplies. With warm soap and water, rinse the hot water bottle, tubing and tip and hang them to drain (maybe over the shower head).
If you are doing a longer cleanse (longer than a one-time enema), you may wish to keep all of your supplies in the same location so it is quicker and easier for tomorrow.
I'm going to ask a friend of mine to review this to see if I've forgotten anything. If you have tips that have aided you, be sure to post them here. That's how we learn. If you have questions, feel free to ask.
And I just couldn't resist this. This is a YouTube music clip from an old Eddie Murphy comedy recording from the early 80's...perhaps not too well known. It's called Boogie in Your Butt. Maybe a little levity will help you overcome your fear or enemas (oh, wait, that's just YOU Willow!). Enjoy...if you can't laugh about it...well, it just makes it harder.