Terra Chips...I dig them!

I don't buy these babies often because I think they are way too expensive, but once in a while, for a treat, I will spring for Terra Exotic Vegetable Chips, Original, 1-Ounce Bags (Pack of 24).  I love them.  The original ones are a variety of chips including taro, sweet potato, yucca, batata, parsnip and ruby taro chips usually with safflower oil and sea salt.  I just really really like them.

Today I tried a new variety called Exotic Harvest with Sea Salt, and this blend has blue potatoes, carrots and kabocha (which is a Japanese squash similar to butternut).  I dug these too!

Of course they have fat, because they are a fried chip, but they have zero trans fat, and the mix of veggies is a nice change.  They would go fine with dip because they are thick cut and would hold up under dipping.  I like the colors and flavor variety that is a nice change from just regular potato chips.  I might only buy them once a year or so (cuz I don't eat chips very often, and these are too expensive).  Have you ever had them?  Did you like them?  If you haven't, try one of the varieties and let me know what you think.  Used to be, I could only buy them at the health food store, but our local Safeway carries them now.

Wow, I must have hit a button that gave me a different type of editor to write my posts in and I can't seem to find the spell check on this.  I'm not going to write it first in WORD, spell check, then copy/paste, so if I don't find it, you're just gonna have to put up with some major typing and spelling mistakes.

It is TIME to start the CLEANSE!

It's almost spring...so I'm finally going to bite the bullet, and starting tomorrow will enter into the two-week total body detoxification cleanse. It isn't pretty, but it works wonders. Not for weight loss, just for removing stored toxins in the body. It comes from Jason Winters, The Ultimate Cleanse and it's a colon cleanse.



I got the instructions from the health food store (but I do not buy this author's products). This is my third or fourth use of this method. Spring seems to be when I feel the need for it the most. But today...I will eat like a fat kid!

And if anybody else REALLY, REALLY SERIOUSLY wants the information about it, I would be happy to type it all into the computer and post it. But it's about three pages so I don't want to waste my time if people are not truly interested in all the details.

And would be happy to be available to answer specific questions and support you in your own detox/cleanse. No question is too embarrassing. I'm not a doctor...bla bla bla so would just offer tips I've used in accordance to what has already been written.

The first 3 or so days are the hardest because food cravings just about make me lose my mind. After that, it just isn't that hard and it resets the body so that you want GOOD food when you are finished, not crap food. There are many who used this cleanse with the change of every season. The suppliments needed are not cheap, so I only manage it once very few years.

Feeling A Little More Centered, Still Socially Retarded.

I attended a meditation retreat this morning with a Buddhist Monk friend of mine. It was nice to have that time and I was happy it was a small group. We had interesting discussion about triggers...emotional triggers that can lead to unintended actions or harsh words when acting out of our wounded places. It is helping me put some things I've been working on into perspective.

And I also decided along the way, to remove a reader's comments to my "Social Retard" post. In the beginning of my creation of this blog, my intention was to explore self, alone and with others, and to hopefully create a fun atmosphere for that to take place. And it truly is MY space, where I express MY opinions. I know that not everyone will agree with or like what I say and I'm OK with that. All comments come to me first and I have retained veto power about what is actually posted. That being said, I'm not going to create an atmosphere here where readers...especially anonymous readers can disagree in disrespectful ways. I'm OK with well-reasoned, respectfully stated disagreement, but not with knee-jerk emotional responses laced with personal daggers.

My goal for this space is not to create a negative or controversial area. It is what it is, I am who I am and I evolve and change over time just like everyone else. Readers will either resonate with me or not. That's why we have choice to read or not read what comes before us. That's why there are channel changers and off buttons and a multitude of blogs to choose from. Rather than be combative, just move on. I've also decided not to write a separate article defending or explaining my use of the word "retard". Because nobody asked me to explain where I was coming from, they just decided I was wrong, so no amount of banter will change that.

Minds are like parachutes...they only work when they are open. And opinions are like belly buttons...everybody's got one. Respectful discourse and debate is apparently a lost art. Polarization seems to be the name of the game.

I DID mention in the beginning of the creation of the blog that hot topics of religion or politics are not on my discussion agenda. And use of terms for marginalized persons is a political debate that I will not have. You will see me use the word retard, retarded, crazy, bedlam, idiot etc in my posts, though not directed at the disabled. That is all I am willing to assure you of.

My undergraduate work was in anthropology, sociology and psychology, where study of linguistics was included, as was the history and perpetuation of the words we used to describe groups of people. Masters degree is in social work where again, we are bombarded with the P.C. terms and political and professional jargon. I have persons in my family and friendship groups who are disabled with a variety of different abilities, and as a professional, work with these groups on a regular basis. None of them have ever expressed offense by my treatment of them or my terminology when speaking to them or about them.

Offense is found where one chooses to find it and where one is actively looking for it under every rock and around every corner. That's a separate emotional issue. Respect and compassion are present or not present regardless of the words we want to continually evolve or change to make them sound more palatable. The intention and the target of our words is vastly more important than the words themselves.

And yes, these are my humble opinions. I neither state them as fact, claim I will always hold to them, nor apologize for them.

Social Retard

I had lunch today with a school chum. We've known each other since 3rd grade. Strange how lives can connect, diverge and reconnect over time.

I always wonder what I'll find to say and how the conversation will go, and inevitably I walk away feeling like I monopolized the airspace with my mindless chatter. I think I have social anxiety. I'm a social retard. I either sit quietly and listen to others in conversation, or if there's only two of us, I think I just fill the space and talk WAY too much.

I'll be spending tomorrow with another friend who'll be having a medical apt. Poor thing will probably be exhausted from me filling in the air with my blathering. It used to be I never gave such things a second thought. I guess it could mean I either am more socially anxious, or that I'm more aware of my impact, or potential or perceived impact.

I'm looking forward to spring and to digging in the yard. That always revives me. Right now I'm bored with my own self; pensive and fidgety inside. I make a list of things to do, and promptly ignore it. I've been flirting with the idea of writing an actual article and the effort it takes seems to be more than I have. It's that February, wanna run away from myself time. Very uncomfortable.

And I keep thinking about the direction of this blog...am I on the right track? Am I just in the void of no-man's land, once again, babbling just to "hear" myself babble? Do I have what it takes to keep this going? To TRUST that it is leading me somewhere?

Oh well, lunch was good and I got out, and I tried. That's something.

Book Review: Gone Tomorrow by Lee Child

Gone Tomorrow (Jack Reacher, No. 13) by Lee Child, which will be available in paperback towards the end of March, was quite the page-turning mystery/thriller. Full of government conspiracy and cover-up, the Hero, Jack Reacher unravels the mystery, narrowly escaping death. Reacher is apparently the hero in a series of such books by Child. This was my first of his books and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Reacher is an ex military, special ops dude that is apparently homeless and lives in survival mode. Like Rambo without the insanity and extreme drama. He is continually letting you in on his thinking processes, and how he assesses every situation based on his animal instincts and extensive training.

On occasion, I got bogged down in the political and military narratives and would find myself skimming to get back to the action and out of the stuff that wasn't sinking in. But all in all, this book kept my attention and I zoomed through it. Of course, like all such novels, you know that it will all turn out OK, and since the hero is alive and well in other books, you know he will live to fight another day. But that's OK.

Don't you think that Amazon.com should give me an unlimited credit card? I mean, I give list their link all the time don't I? Where's the love Amazon??

On a separate note: I had more dreaming last night but all I remember is getting lost at Mardi Gras and somebody trying to help me find where I parked my car. I knew who the guy is that helped me, but never interact with him, so not sure why he was there, or why he was wearing river sandals and had purple frost painted toenails. Go figure. I can't even BEGIN to guess what that could mean. My best guess...when I'm lost, help comes from unexpected places and in unexpected forms? Sorry, that's the best I can do. I have had a splitting headache for the past two days. Sometimes dream travel can be so taxing. It's been raining and slush-snowing off and on all day. A perfect day to start another book, don't you think? Or better yet, take a nap!

Dreams: Lobbing hand tools like darts.

I know I had at least 4 dreams last night, one of which totally escapes me. Of the remaining three, one of them was simply an image, nothing more, or at least nothing more that I recall. All it was, was a whole, purple eggplant. It was simply there. I find nothing in my dream book about eggplant, but food can symbolize "food for thought". Online, seeing an eggplant growing can mean moderate success (however this one was just there...not growing...just...dare I say it again...THERE).

Of the final two dreams, the first one is short:
I'm in a kitchen...I have no idea whose kitchen. I'm with a woman (I've known since we were in third grade even though we don't hang out together much, but we happen to have a lunch date on Thursday). I'm telling her about what I'm learning from my dream journaling. The end.

Kitchen = the work area of the self, cooking up plans and schemes, preparation for nurturing.
The other interesting thing is, the last time I dreamed of this person, she called me and asked to see me. And this morning, you guessed it...out of the blue, she rings my doorbell and asks me if I want to go on a short drive with her. I tell her about my dream...which leads to talking about dream journaling, and she also mentions that in a seminar she took on dreaming, the facilitator also had people look at all the possible meanings of a symbol for clues (as in if someone saw a steel bar in their dream, examine all of the ways the word "bar" can be used to see if there are clues for you in the word itself, rather than the way it represented in the dream. That opens up a whole new avenue for dream exploration doesn't it?)

In the final dream...and this is a weird one, so you may have to help me with it...
I am standing in a circle with three other people (and I don't know any of them), and without any obvious mal-intent or anger, we are lobbing small hand tools at each other like darts, and these tools are sticking into our flesh when we aim well. The tools are mostly things like drill bits, screwdrivers and small hatchets. When I wake up, I am clearly more disturbed than I remember being in the dream. I am soaked in sweat and scared and I'm not kidding you, I have a sharp pain in my lower leg where a drill bit had been lodged in my dream. Clearly this cannot be a positive dream, can it?

Tools = necessary implements to conquer all fears and reach all goals. All tools are within you for repairing, renewing, beginning again; learning growing, manifesting what you want. (but see, in THIS dream, the tools seem to have been used to wound others and to let others wound me. We were all willingly participating in this "dart game", so what could that mean?)

Dart = if throwing darts, suggests pointed, harmful thoughts and words; stinging remarks. (OK, remember recently I mentioned that I had been triggered by an old wound from my past? It is still hanging around and I am still thinking the hurtful thoughts associated with that wound, and I have, yes, I'll admit it, thrown out some barbed comments of late. Do you think it just showing me it is still there?) I do intend to write an article on clearing old wounds soon.

The number 4 in numerology (there were 4 people in the circle, including me) = "Number 4 is the most practical of all numbers.
You most likely have some of the following strengths and talents at your disposal if the number 4 appears in your numerology chart: You are practical, detail-oriented, organized, orderly, systematic, methodical, precise, reliable, punctual, dependable, honest, trustworthy, without artifice. You are the rock and cornerstone of an enterprise, you don't give up easily, you are perseverant and a hard worker. Some of the following weaknesses, which are associated with the number 4, could slow down or even prevent your progress. But don't worry, it's very unlikely that all of the listed characteristics are part of your personality. Most probably, only one or a few of them will belong to you: You can be rigid, judgmental, stubborn, too detail-oriented, bossy, overly cautious and too serious. You might lack flexibility and adaptability. It is difficult for you to deal with changes and you are often too conventional in your approach.
Um, yeah, OK...they've got me there...I'm all of those things. Isn't this fascinating? Or is it just me being indulgent?

Book Review: Lillian Too's Little Book of Feng Shui

To quote Wikipedia, Feng Shui "is an ancient Chinese system of aesthetics believed to use the laws of both Heaven and Earth to help one improve life by receiving positive qi" (or chi or energy). More commonly, people utilize principles of Feng Shui (pronounced Fung Shway), in home decor in the hopes it will increase good luck and decrease bad luck.

If you've been reading my articles, you may recall that in the Divination Tools series, I failed to cover the topic of Feng Shui. Honestly, I didn't know it was considered a form of divination until I read it in one of the sources I used for the series. I would suppose it is considered a form of divination since it is thought that through the manipulation and placement of things in the physical world, one can influence things in the non-material world.

Someone actually gave me a used copy of Lillian Too's Little Book of Feng Shui and I found it a very useful guide and overview. And when it says it is "little", it does mean "little". Written in 1998, this book is approximately 3.5 x 4.5 inches in size with usually about a paragraph of writing per page. If you just want an overview with some basic suggestions, this little book is a good place to start. It doesn't overwhelm. However, I as began to look around my tiny, rural home at all of the things that the book says must not be done to avoid catastrophe, it got little depressing. Here are just a few guidelines in the book:

"Keep a pet. Pets are especially good feng shui in homes that are left empty during the day. If the family are out working or at school, yin energy accumulates in the silence and stillness. This can be countered by the lively presence of a dog or cat or fish" (whew! I've got a fish...AND *I'm* home most of the time to counteract all that yin).

"Paint your front door. Create feng shui harmony by painting your front door according to th element of the direction it faces: Red for south, southwest or northeast; blue for north, east or southeast; white for west, northwest or north; green for east, southeast or south" (ooops, either I need to move my front door or paint it).

Lillian Too has several books on the topic of Feng Shui and teaches seminars as well. I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. It's a concept I've heard about but rather than incorporate little things here and there, I tend to feel like my house must be all wrong. Perhaps it would be better to begin with the principles during the development of a new home? I mean, what if my door is the right color but my toilet seat is up? Does one cancel out the other? Given the things that I believe in that are real for me, who am I to poo-poo anything?

Book Review: Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle

I can't recall if I've already reviewed this book (hazards of the ditzy mind), but here it is...either for the first time or the 10th. I say if a book is good once, it's good a bunch of times!

Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle, written in 2003, is a little, 127 page book that I read and re-read frequently. Simple and yet profound in content, it reminds me over and over and over again that the answers I seek, are found in stillness.

Eckhart Tolle has an elegant way of stating simply, that which feels the most complicated. In his many books, he conveys the message of the importance of being in the moment, and of gaining perspective from the egoic chatter the mind so often convinces us is the true and important reality.

I very often use a highlighter when I read; a habit I developed in college to help me find points I want to remember later. I had to laugh because I think I've highlighted every word in this book. That's how deeply it speaks to my spirit every time I read it. The book contains 10 short chapters and I will leave you with a favorite quote from each:

"True Intelligence operates silently. Stillness is where creativity and solutions to problems are found."

"Every thought pretends that it matters so much."

"Your unhappiness ultimately arises not from the circumstance of your life, but from the conditions of your mind."

"Is life ever 'not this moment'?"

"Reincarnation doesn't help you if in your next incarnation you still don't know who you are."

"Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand and becoming comfortable with not knowing."

"We have forgotten what rocks, plants, and animals still know. We have forgotten how to be - to be still, to be ourselves, to be where life is: Here and Now."

"Love does not want or fear anything."

"To every accident and disaster there is a potentially redemptive dimension that we are usually unaware of."

"Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary.

Four Fiction Reviews

During my winter hibernation...I read. Here are my thoughts on what I've read most recently:

Love In Bloom by Sheila Roberts is a very typical, predictable romance novel. Still fun and worth a read if you like typical, predictable romance novels (which, sometimes, I do). The heroine has some past issue to overcome and so resists falling in love and is miserable. Boy meets girl, boy and girl move together and then apart and then back together for a happy ending. There is little more to be said about that. I disappeared into it for a while and that's always a good thing.

Pursuit by Karen Robards also falls into the category of a predictable and typical romance/suspense/thriller/mystery novel. And again, enjoyable escapism. Against the backdrop of the White House, government traitors are at large and lives are at stake. A mystery must be solved and of course, somebody has to fall in love and make out at the most inopportune times that would never happen in real life. However, I'm a woman and can be a sucker for stupid romance just like the next girl...so I liked it. Well written (for predictable and typical books). At least with most of these kinds of books, you always know what you're going to get and so you just sit back and enjoy the ride to where you knew you were going all along.

Serendipity (Platinum Readers Circle Series) by Louise Shaffer is a little less predictable (although you know it will have a happy ending and everything will always turn out OK). The heroine of this story has just lost her mother whom she had a difficult relationship with. She goes on a journey of interviewing those who knew her to learn the real story of her life. I liked the flashbacks to different time periods and the journey that is taken to tease out just how a person we love ended up as they were. It made me think about my parents and my grandparents and all of the things I have concluded about them without really knowing where they came from or what things shaped their lives. So this book let my imagination run a bit more than the previous two and I enjoyed it.

The Nine Lessons by Kevin Alan Milne is a book, similar to Serendipity in that it outlines a man's journey of discovery into the father he thought he hated. I was reluctant to even start this one at first because there is a golf theme, and personally, I can't think of anything more boring to read about. I might actually have liked this book the best of the four. I found it endearing and I was eager to learn the lessons the hero stood to learn from his fathers golf lessons and from his father's diary which was written on golf score cards. His father always told him that Life is Golf and Golf is Life. I liked the metaphors drawn and learned along with the hero. Of course, I also knew, everything would turn out fine in the end.

As fiction goes, none of these books was remarkable, nothing I would save and read again, but they entertained me and took me away from my deep, inner, over-thinking brain, to just enjoy being taken somewhere else...where at least the problems were not my own. These books are a good beach read, long bus or car ride read, just light, easy reading with nothing to complex to process. I'm sure the authors would consider this insulting, but sometimes a simple read is quite enjoyable and a needed change from the deeper reading.

The Best Laid Plans

I was going to try to write an article or book review or something today but got sidetracked trying to figure out why my computer won't play Power Point slide shows that people send to me in email. Holy Cow. I am not computer-girl. Every little thing like this derails me for hours while I search the web and read posts and email people. Then I couldn't open .zip files either. Barf. So I had to edit the registry files, and make new associations for file extensions, and I just confused myself right now trying to tell you what I did! I want to understand this stuff but I don't and it frustrates me to no end when I can't figure it out.

So...there went my day, pretty much. Oh, I've showered and actually did my hair and put make-up on for a change, ran a load of wash, meditated, and washed ONE window in the house inside and out (one at a time is about all I can stomach right now).

Then when hubby says "What did you do all day?" (which he doesn't, that's just a cliche'...he doesn't care what I do all day as long as I'm happy and stay out of trouble), I have no idea. The day WENT, and not much appears to have been accomplished. I have lots of days like that. I'm a drifter. I drift through my days in a "Willowy" fog.

I'm sort of happy to report that for a few days anyway, I've had a break in that I have not remembered any of my dreams. Seems like I've had my plate full working on what came through with the last ones!

The weather is spring-like! It is sunny and 46 degrees here! We actually have some bulb flowers poking their heads through the ground. I hope they don't have a rude awakening if we get a cold/snow snap. This winter has been weirdly mild for us. Not much cold and not much snow. We had a harsh bit early in December (which felt more like February weather, with snow and then temps around 0 for almost a week), but since then, hardly any snow and not terribly cold. What's the weather like where you are?

Any of YOU been dreaming anything interesting?

I Am A Great Discoverer - Children's Book Text

Here's another children's book (or the text anyway). And guess what? All this stuff really happened with my son. I shared it with an elderly mentor of mine (she's over 90 now) and she didn't really like it. She felt it would encourage kids to misbehave. I was thinking it could be a teaching tool ("oh wow, that's not a very good thing to do is it? What would happen?) and comic relief to tired parents. What do you think? What kind of illustrations should each page have? (and yes, this is also a photo of him when he was little)


One day when Mom washed dishes
and I was very young,
I found that roaches are amazing,
see? I tried one on my tongue.

My mom peeked in to cover me and nearly lost her mind,
in my toy box, beneath the toys
sleeping sweet & kind,
I can’t see why it freaked her out,
I wasn’t hard to find.

One day while mom was paying bills
when she thought that I was sleeping,
the screen “fell off”, I climbed on the ledge
and was quietly, slowly creeping –
I dropped all my toys down to the street.
Mom made her way to where I was
and quickly grabbed my feet.

One day when Mom was folding sheets
I was a joyous fellow,
I learned that painting is just as fun
when I use cherry Jell-O

One day when Mom answered the phone
and I had entertainment none,
I learned that bowling with potatoes
gave Mom days and days of fun.

One day when Mom was washing clothes
and I was napping not,
I learned that stoves on plastic swords
might be a tad too hot.

One day while Mother made the beds
I discovered I could teach,
that dirt from Mother’s potted plants
was like the sandy beach. {illustration..rubbing dumped dirt into upholstery]

One night when I was tucked in bed
as bored as bored could be,
I discovered I was a cowboy
but my fish got mad at me. [illustration...lassoing the fish bowl with tied together shoe strings...yes it happened...no it wasn't pretty]

One day while we were breaking
from shopping at the mall,
I saw my chance to get away
by crawling ‘neath the stall.

She turned her head – you’ll hear Mom say – she swears for just a second
I found the honey and dry rice
they go so well together,
on both my legs and both my arms
and on the couch’s leather.

When Mom was checking prices at the grocery store one day
raw burger felt delightful, when I poked through all the plastic
I wonder why she bought so much,
I think it’s rather drastic.

One day while bathing in my tub
I really made Mom pout.
a golf ball will fit in the drain,
but then it won’t come out.

When Mom was trying to sleep one dawn
I learned a thing about her.
she HATES it when I do this,
I might have to live without her. [illustration...forcing my eyelids open]

On year when Mom was wrapping in the secrecy of her room,
I learned a startling lesson, that I’ll not forget too soon.
I learned it’s best to wait for Christmas and there are no good disguises,
for sneaking ‘neath the tree & ripping open my surprises.

One day while Mom was shoveling snow
I learned another important thing,
a boy hanging from a curtain rod
can bend it, and twist and ding.

When Mom thought I was playing with my action figures outside
I dug a moat around the yard (for them to battle ‘round),
I’m not sure why she looked so shocked
it really wasn’t hard.

While Mom was helping clean my room
we smelled a fearsome stink.
Who knew a treasured bird wing
should not have chunks of pink?

When Mom was mowing the lawn one day
I filled her wheels with gravel, it was such a pleasant task
It was silent till she drove it
Did she really need to ask?

One day when Mom was busy, and I was nearly grown
I discovered how to remove the dash.
But Mom yelled to restore it
or I would be paying cash.

One day when Mom just merely blinked
I had grown tall and skillful
I build and do and try and dream
to her, no longer willful.
I’m still a great discoverer
I know I’ll never quit learning,
the world is big, my mind is vast
my drive to grow keeps burning.

My mom is very proud of me
As you can plainly see.
She says she’ll need a nap or two
and then she’ll visit me.

Another Synchronicity

If you've been reading along to the themes of my dreams and stuff I'm personally working on...here's a synchronicity: I opened a Dove chocolate today and the saying inside says "Let people see the real you". Um...yeah...is the Universe trying to tell me something?

For Your Enjoyment

Check these out. They are cool.

These links go to three, 360 degrees Panorama images of places in Utah. It makes me dizzy to do it, but you drag the photo around and you can see it all the way around, up or down or diagonal or sideways 360 degrees.

Sulphur Creek In Capital Reef National Park

Beneath Double Arch, In Arches National Park in Utah

Payson Canyon, Utah

And these are some images taken with the Hubble Telescope. The world, and the universe is certainly an amazing place.

I Remember

[with any luck, this will one-day be a children's picture book. Each line will be a separate page with an illustration...Oh, yeah, I would need an illustrator too!](and yeah, that really is a photo of my son when he was small)

I remember, when you were small

Tiny hands
Giving backrubs
With tons of lotion; a painter’s canvas
“the typewriter” (tipe-ew-witew), karate chops and spider tickles

I remember, when you were small

The gift of a special hot cocoa invention when I had a headache
Swiss Miss, peanut butter, cinnamon and cloves
Thank You! Can I drink it later?

I remember, when you were small

Special gifts
A stuffed Rudolph with an undulating head and music inside
A bamboo wind chime, proudly purchased with money saved
Precious artwork

I remember, when you were small

So many kisses. Eskimo kisses, butterfly kisses, “beensie” kisses, soap-opera kisses (“wo-man-tic” kisses that we decided might be better for you to have with your pillow).

I remember, when you were small

So many hugs. Around the knees. Around the waist. Around the neck. The flying tackle.

I remember, when you were small

Ice cream and nightmares, movies and fevers, backpacks and “M.C. Hammer” pants,
Underoos, mittens on strings, Luvs, Huggies, Pampers, Diaper Doublers,
Gerber beets – all over my clothes, swings and strollers, blankets and laundry,
Laughter, tears and discovery.

I remember, when you were small

And Christmas lights were “tiffis whites”, witches and skeletons were “switches and skillets”, ear wigs were “ear twigs”, cartilage was “flatledge”, juice was “duce”, the days until Christmas were counted in “how many wake-ups and go-to-sleeps before Christmas” and mashed potatoes made you gag. (Can you find them all?)

I remember, when you were small

Onsies, shoe tying, a slippery baby wrapped in hooded towels, snowmen, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, corn dogs, Happy Meals, soap crayons, Where’s Waldo and I Spy books, playful/colorful Band-aids, Zwieback toast, teething rings, The Velveteen Rabbit, apple juice, costumes, skateboards, baggie pants, hoodies and Airwalks. (How many did you find?)

I remember, when you were small

Candy canes, gingerbread men, school pictures, high dives, Creepy Crawlers, Star Wars, Sesame Street, McGuyver, Frisbees, jerky, Silly Putty, Slinkys, Mr. Potato Head, carving pumpkins, trick-or-treating, I’ll Love You Forever, Goodnight Moon, homework, curfews, grounding, driver’s Ed, allowance, broken toys and broken hearts.

I remember, when you were small

LOVE

With your child, list below, all the things that you both remember. Write your own story of memories here:

No Interesting News. No, I Mean It, Don't Bother Reading This.

Oh, you just HAD to read this right? You couldn't take me at my word? No, of course you couldn't.

I spent the majority of the day with a friend. We had lunch. We had girl talk. It was nice. See, I'm not ALWAYS stuck in front of my computer being a loner-loser. Social time happens...sometimes...a little.

I did two lovely loads of laundry and started a new book. Thank GOD I finished Jane Eyre! Now I am going to read 4 back to back Reader's Digest Condensed books of fluffy fiction. Ahhhh, the bliss! And if they suck...they're condensed! WOOT!

See, I really didn't have anything to say. But Hello. I didn't forget my few faithful readers...you all will be making me rich one day soon. I mean it. I'm not kidding. Truly. I'm not.

I think I'll get groceries tomorrow. When will this mad cycle of relentless activity end? I know not. I learned to talk that way from reading Jane Eyre. I know not from whence this madness originates nor upon which bright moon it may cease to pursue me thus. BARF!

Book Review: Jane Eyre

Perhaps I'm the only one in the free world who has not yet read the 1847 Classic, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Anybody else?

I labored through it. I know that literary fans of fine, old fashioned literature will groan and roll their eyes at me, but I almost put it in the dust bin with Frankenstein (another torturesome book).

I will say that the story was engaging. I will also say, I was happy when it was over. If I live to be 2,000, I will never understand how so many books gained the fine distinction of being called Classics and to be revered and to stand the test of time.

I do not enjoy flowery words and old fashioned speech. There, I said it. I cannot stomach Shakespeare either. Jane Eyre could have been cut to half of its slow-moving, over 420 pages and STILL have been too long and too full of lengthy, tedious narrative.

And, being the spit-fire that I am, it was painful to read of a woman who was treated so poorly, and expected and settled for so little. I know that was the time in which the character lived, but nevertheless, it pained me. The two main male characters, her suitors, were, neither one, worthy. One had money and status and was 20 years her senior, and was just plain weird. The other was perhaps only about 8 years her senior, and a missionary/minister, harsh and cold and demanding. And I was cheering for her to simply get a good job and live independently.

In short. I didn't love it.

I'm reading a classic here and there thinking myself remiss to not have any idea what these oft-discussed books are about. I'm beginning to think that reading the cliff notes could be enough. Here...I'll give you the link to some cliff notes about Jane Eyre. Don't say I never gave you anything.

Truth, Really Is, Stranger than Fiction.

Just when you think life is already pretty interesting, it gets a little more so.

Did anybody watch the Oprah Show last week about the transgendered guy from Helena Montana? There is a documentary associated with the story and I've included clips below from both the Oprah show and from the documentary (which will be available to purchase from Amazon.com in July.

So, here's the basic story:
Three sons, one of whom is adopted. Born into loving Montana family.
One grows up and is gay.
One grows up (having been star H.S. Quarterback etc), and eventually undergoes sex change operation. Paul becomes Kim.
One who is adopted always felt less than the football playing brother...always competed, always fell short. In young adulthood, he is in a serious car accident and has a severe head injury that effectively ruins his world. Later, after his birth mother's death, it is discovered that he is the grandson of Orson Welles and Rita Hayworth. Orson and Rita were married only about 5 years and had one daughter of that union. Daughter (Rebecca Welles) grows up, gets pregnant and gives the baby up for adoption without telling her parents. After her death, the truth is revealed to adoptive family. And this grandson really looks like Orson Welles! And it is too late for him to realize his own fame or value. His brain is fried from the head injury.

Here's the back story I found out last week. My sister, is a McKerrow. She is married to Paul/Kim's cousin. So even in some of the footage from the documentary, I see quick views of my brother-in-law as a kid in the home movies.

Is that stranger than fiction? I can't wait to see the documentary Prodigal Sons! And I am so impressed with how GROUNDED they all seem given what ordeals they have endured. And what COURAGE it took to tell this story!

Dream and "Dear John"

I've still been dreaming a ton lately, but just mostly not remembering them. And I had one the other night that was too bizarre to recount. I don't think putting it in writing would help anyone to follow along.

Last night, I know the dreams were longer but there were only a few bits of three dreams I can recall even slightly.

In one dream I was swimming through ice...water AND solid ice...but I could swim through it.

Swim = learning emotional lessons; how to maintain and understand self in the emotional waters of life. Staying on top of emotions [only I was clearly swimming UNDER water...so is that a problem?]

Ice = frozen emotions and feelings, insensitivity; blocked from giving and receiving. You are on hold, immobilized, not growing. [I guess that answers my question above, doesn't it] [It sort of makes sense, since I mentioned having had two major triggers of old wounds last week, it did freeze me up and shut me down and I have not yet returned totally to normal...and have certainly not yet figured out how best to heal them].

In an other, I was receiving or seeking a flash drive full of needed information. Well THAT doesn't take rocket science...it's all about learning and being downloaded with more information from other levels and dimensions.

In the final dream, I dreamed I was eating vanilla yogurt, with granola and wheat germ in it. I have the first two items on hand, but not the third. Do you think my body is telling me it needs Wheat Germ? I guess I'll buy some just in case.


DEAR JOHN We went to see the chick flick Dear John. It wasn't a complex story, and I had not read the book so had no preconceived expectation of how it SHOULD be (unlike Lovely Bones), so it fit the bill for romantic chick flick. Nice looking people. Sweet story. Nobody gets blown up, no flashing action sequences. People are kind and loving to each other. There are some days when a simple story of love is plenty. Sometimes you just want to be carried away on something pleasant for a while. Like the old days of Hollywood when films were made to take you away from the unpleasantness of war and other things of the day, to let you dream of a different life...not solve problems, view murders and watch battles with flashing lights. So yeah. I dug it. And maybe it took Avitar's number one position for the same reason I liked it. Simplicity, and kindness. I'm sure as Simon Cowell would say it is "utterly forgettable", but I still enjoyed it.

Magical South Sea Island

[this is from a specific assignment in a writer's workshop. Topic was "Place" with specific guidelines for each line]

Magical

South Sea Island

Person-less

White Sand

Knobby orange starfish

Waves of blue, teaming with life

Warm, balmy, clear, bright, eternal

Sparkles renewed

Secret adventures

Yielding, impermanent

Blue, breezy

Laughing foam

Sweeping, dancing

Cleansing, caressing

My soul swirls & dances

Is cleansed and caressed

My spirit breathes; reclaims its natural cadence

Finds peace. I am light. I am motion.

I am reminded: I am a being…not a doing.

Eyes gorge on limitlessness

Hands outstretch in all directions – touching everything.

Tasting salt & grit and gulping freedom

Whales spy-hop wondering what we do here

Noses uplifted, expanding their beingness into the universe

Sinking gracefully, noiselessly into the mysterious deep.

Fade to Black

Birth of Life

Cells set free

Burdens ebb.

Review: Past Life. New Show on Fox

Have any of you seen this yet? There have been two episodes of Past Life on Fox that have aired to date.

I find it interesting, yet am guarded in my praise. Like all other supernatural shows so far, it is over the top, and heavy on trauma imagery and exaggeration. I wish it wasn't that way. Medium, and Ghost Whisperer (which we now refer to as "Ghost Boobs" in honor of "Melinda's outlandish attire and the constant push up and out boobage the show seems to favor), fell of my watch list as they just kept getting darker and putting in my ghoulish imagery. It just isn't that way. It doesn't help the general public get used to the ideas and adjust to them, it feeds on the fear of them. Past Life looks like it will follow in their footsteps.

Not all regression, or past life views are scary and traumatic. In fact, I would venture a guess that most are not. Most, in fact can be very "third person" and non emotional; just glimpses of a familiar time, event or place.

I wish for a day when these phenomenon will be portrayed accurately and without the hype, fear, gore and drama. I mean, aren't the very natures of mediumship and past life regression interesting enough in and of themselves? And would we be less interested if there was a range of portrayal that didn't all focus on Hollywood's need to bombard us with negative fast-flash images?

I'll give the show some time and see where it heads. I like the two main characters. They are solving crimes based on past life information from clients. That's pretty interesting.

One of the stereotypes it has addressed for me (and I've HAD past life glimpses) is the idea that one could have past life experience that actually ties to the present day (ie, I could have past life information come through and there could still be someone living from that past life, that could verify it). I used to think of it just in terms of far far past lives.

Give it a watch and tell me what YOU think.

Here's a preview clip:

Who I Would Most Like to Meet.

I don't know WHY I was thinking about this in the shower this morning, but I was. So there. I was thinking about who I would most like to meet (at least at this moment in time):

Jesus and Buddha - together...in the same place at the same time and for as long as I want. The reasons are probably obvious: to discuss all issues of spirituality and of how they have impacted the world, and of how the world has come to interpret, ritualize and define their teachings and what they stood for. Is it as they envisioned it? I consider God and Ala to be pretty much one in the same, but Buddha and Jesus were beings that once walked the earth in human form, and became religious icons.

The 14th Dalai Lama - again, with no time constraints. Maybe hang with him in his environment and live like he does. And ask him anything. I consider him to be most wise and peaceful and loving and accepting. I could sure use some guidance on all that!

Lisa Williams - Have a reading, AND hang out with her for as long as I want, or just have the ability to call on her from time to time or to meet with her. I think she would make an excellent mentor for me. (she's a psychic medium...and if you've never seen her work, look up some youtube videos or something).

Eckhart Tolle - I want him to be my ongoing therapist.


Ellen DeGeneres, Julie Roberts, Meryl Streep - for a week-long spa/slumber party...together. To hang out with them, laugh and tell our stories. I just think these women would be a lot of fun. We could make lists of questions for the group and see the many ways we are the same and different. And did I mention, LAUGH? That would just be for pure fun. I'll get to work on this.

At this moment in time, who would YOU most like to meet and why? And you don't have to limit yourself to the same number as I posted, feel free to post one or many. But tell me why.

Review: Burt's Bees Lip Shimmers

I love these! For the most part, other than the lip balm and these lip shimmers, I've always found Burt's Bee's products to fall short on performance. I love that they are natural, but they don't always perform well.

I adore their original lip balm because it has enough bee's wax to stick to your lips longer, the buzz of peppermint, and it is slick enough not to be like Chap Stick brand (like rubbing a candle on your mouth). I have a tube next to the computer, next to my reading chair, in my purse, next to my bed and in with the rest of my make-up.

Then enter the Lip Shimmers. These take the best of all worlds: Natural Ingredients, great colors, lip balm protection, and they live up to performance levels. They don't tend to last long on your lips, but that doesn't' usually bother me. I collected almost every color but eventually found I was using primarily one or two. My fave colors? Nutmeg works for every day and compliments my skin tone without looking much like I'm wearing lipstick. Cocoa is a bit more dramatic plum-brown and I like it too when I want a more dramatic statement. I ended up throwing the others away. So if you can find a sample color kit of these to find your right color, it might be worth it. One tube of a great color will be all you'll need.

It goes on smooth and slick and has highlights and a little gloss, some have SPF protection, feels great and won't give you cancer! What's not to love about that?

Lyrics to "Scar" by Missy Higgins

These are the lyrics to the song (YouTube video) I posted in the last post. To me, they speak of the high cost of conformity, of giving away your personal power and of not being who you are. So naturally, they mean a lot to me.

Especially poignant "...so that I remember to never go that far [again], could you leave me with a scar"


Scar by Missy Higgins
He left a card and a bar of soap with
a scrubbing brush next to a note,
That said "use these down to your bones".
And before I knew I had shiny skin and
it felt easy being clean like him,
I thought "this one knows better than I do"

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar that everyone wants a little more. So that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

So the next one came with a bag of treats,
She smelled like sugar and spoke like the sea
She told me don't, trust them trust me.
Then she pulled at my stitches one by one,
Looked at my insides clicking her tongue,

And said "This will all have to come undone".

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle,
She tried to blunt me so I'd fit.

And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver;
the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar,
that everyone wants a little more?
So that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

I think I realized just in time,
although my old self, was hard to find.
You can bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine.
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that
I'll be the bad fruit, nobody buys,
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver;
the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar
that everyone wants a little more?
so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
could you leave me with a scar? ah-ah-ah.

could you leave me with a scar

Dream: Lots and Lots of Shattered Glass

I know there was more to this dream than I remember, but there is certainly enough here to work with, AND it does seem to tie in with the other post I just made this morning.

I'm on a special Navy ship which is conducting government-ordered science experiments. I'm more of an observer in most of this dream; a bystander, if you will. Another Navy ship pulls along side of us and they have "new orders from headquarters". All is to be immediately stopped and disbanded. All aboard are to board the new ship and they are going to be arrested and made scapegoats of some kind. The "secret experiments" have been exposed and the government is denying any knowledge of them (even though they ordered them). A giant cover-up is underway to blame it all on the rogue officers of the science ship as having acted alone without authorization.

The officers on the science ship are livid and go ballistic. They will not accept this no matter what the consequences. In their rage, they begin to throw beakers and vials everywhere. They cannot be stopped. They are destroying all evidence (which of course the government wants to keep and benefit from, but they just want to deny involvement). There is glass exploding everywhere.

Even though I feel like only an observer, I am covered in shiny shards of glass that embed everywhere, all over my body; my clothing is not a barrier. I notice I am coughing up and spitting out shards of glass. There doesn't seem to be any blood or damaging injury, just fear and pain and these shards stuck in me that someone will have to help me remove.

[scene change]

I'm in some one's home, and there are others there but I don't know any of them. I'm wandering around in a rough grey wool blanket (Navy issue?)and am naked underneath with all these tiny fragments of glass stuck in me. I'm looking around for someone to help me remove them. Clearly I'm not a priority; nobody seems to notice me much. Someone gets tweezers and extracts a few bits, but gets sidetracked and I'm still waiting and wandering. It hurts and I feel very unseen and ignored.

Now at first glance, I'm thinking that first, I won't find many of these things in the dream book (wrong), and second, I can clearly see a link between my feelings of recent woundedness, and feeling like nobody wants to help me removed the wounds, feeling somewhat at the mercy of something I can't seem to impact. I figured that being naked under a rough blanket could mean vulnerable with a rough exterior, and that spitting out broken glass...well that can't ever be good, right? I figured it might mean something to do with not feeling able to fully express all that I experience and how injurious that seems sometimes. I took the government to mean authority, and I could see themes of hypocrisy once again rearing their ugly heads. And I sort of see there is some sort of theme I can't fully identify about being in the crossfire of other people's junk and being collateral damage. Perhaps that part of me that not only has my own wounds to deal with but as and empath, experiences the wounds of others that I can't seem to stay out of the way of. That was my feeble attempt at breaking it down. Here are some of the symbols from the Dream Book. You'll see that the themes all link to all of my other dreams of late:

Naked = totally open and exposed, not hiding who and what you are [but since I have a rough blanket on, I must still be hiding who I am]

Blanket = Cover = a protection or hiding from self or others [bingo!]

Broken Glass = ...if shattered, represents the breaking of illusions, hopes, consciousness, dreams. If chewing glass, it suggests difficulty in verbalization' fear of communication with self or another; cutting remarks [I wasn't chewing it, but since it was in my mouth, and in my throat, it suggests themes of the throat chakra which involve communication and speaking of personal or spiritual truth, or of not feeling heard or listened to. I also woke up with a sore throat that cleared later in the morning].

Ship = Boat = your emotional self [given the violence going on on my ship and the threat of being overtaken, and the cover-up in progress, I can see there is great turmoil in my subconscious]

Government = Working together for the betterment of our entire being

Navy = Military = need for emotional discipline [ouch]

Experiment = there are alternatives in living; examine new concepts and ideas, open up new opportunities. Try something different. May also mean you are taking a chance [well, HELL, I'm writing down all this weird stuff, for starters!!]

Laboratory = work area to put together life plans and ideas; reflects where you are in life and how well you are staying on top of things [uh-oh]. You are the alchemist, creating blending life experiences to understand and transcend them.

Scientist = The rational intellectual self; student of life. Also guidance, higher self' wisdom; search for knowledge.

I find it quite interesting (are you snoring out there??) that my mind can create so many symbols that are different night after night, but seem to point to similar themes...those which I've already shared...trying to live more authentically, trying to live in accordance with what is true for me, and the conflict and struggle that ensues in the clash between the physical and social world and the spiritual world. You can clearly see this battle or conflict portrayed in my dreams, can you not??

Hello? Am I all alone out here?? :-)

This might wake you up:






When you watch these, suddenly, my dreams don't seem so weird. Maybe they could become music videos!

Monastic Life

Did anybody watch Oprah yesterday? Part one was on Geisha's (and I found the guest extremely strange), and the second part was about life in a nunnery. Perhaps because I've spent time on retreat at a monastery, most of what they discussed was not as new and strange to me as it was to Oprah. And, sadly, it was portrayed like what they covered in the story was how it was in all monasteries. Not true.

The 100+ year old one that I've retreated at is full of all types of women. Some were married before and have grown children, and either came to the monastery after a divorce or death of a spouse. They are as diverse as you can imagine. And at this monastery, they don't wear habits, they wear regular clothing. Some of the very old nuns still wear a habit, but at some point this requirement became optional. And while they don't spend a lot of time at it, there is a television in a common area in their dormitories and they frequently will follow important sports or news events, and the Olympics.

Their "cells" are furnished like a dorm room in any way that they wish to have it. They can wear make-up and have their hair any way they want, but as they soon discover, there is nobody there to preen for, and no reason to try to be or look better than anybody else, and there simply isn't the time or desire to bother. Short hair is easier, and no make up is easier. We all know that. So it isn't a rule that must be enforced, it happens as a natural part of the rhythm of letting go of the hype of the outside world. Which, when you think of all that pressure we have, is pretty ridiculous.

Also, if you think that life in a monastery is silent and solitary, think again. It is rather like a cross between a college dorm and a commune with the added layer of them all having committed to the same major; serving God in accordance to a set of principles. If you think there is no drama, think again. It is, after all, a large group of women, who must divide and share all the tasks of making the facility run, and rotate chores/responsibilities. Oh, yeah, there can be drama. One thing I realized is that monastic life would be TOO social for me. You are deeply involved in the business of each other and there is no escape. It's a network of regular people, with extraordinary commitment.

Anyway, it got me thinking again about how attractive monastic life of some type continues to be for me. But I think I could very much groove to a silent monastery. I know my husband would disagree, but it could be done. There are many days when he is the only one I've spoken too all day (so he gets all the words that most people spread out among many others). There is the small stumbling block of being married, AND not belonging to any religion or faith, nor does any appeal enough to convert just so I could live a monastic life. And I really think that a monastic hermit appeals a bit more to me.

Hmmmmm, other than self imposed exile somewhere with some lottery winnings to keep me afloat, the best I can do for now, is that I have a great husband who allows me to form my own lay monastic life here at home. Who knows what the future could bring? It often makes me wonder if I lived in a monastery or as a hermit in another life...something about it seems so appealing and SO familiar. But I know this...I often don't play well with others and don't have any desire to learn to try. I would be happy, (I think) with a small house in some scenic area, far away from people, only interacting enough to buy my wares (I'm not wanting to go all live-off-the-land-Grizzly-Adams).

Old Wounds, New Layers

Do you have any old wounds? Things that deeply or negatively impacted you in the past, and you thought that you were over them, and along came a trigger, and it was there again, freshly opened?

I've had two such experiences in just the last couple of days. Two separate and deep wounds that reared their ugly heads. And it's hard to say if I'm more saddened at the impact of being slapped with them again, or with the sadness that they just don't seem to ever go away and I always feel like a failure when they resurface...like there just doesn't seem to be enough therapy in the world for them to heal.

At least one of these wounds goes back many lifetimes I believe, and was certainly significant again in this lifetime...however, certainly not to the degree of intense emotion that being triggered in this life would justify. These are the very things that energy healing has always been particularly good at unearthing and getting rid of. Because these aren't the kinds of wounds that talking seems to help...they are stored deeply in the cells.

So what to do? I'm heading to my meditation mat so see if anything comes. More prayer, more willingness to release, and more energy healing. Then I guess I just wait to see if the next trigger sets me off like it did these times this week.

And what to do with the anger and disappointment that there have been some around me, aware of the depth of these triggered wounds who are not very sensitive when it occurs. It's my over-reaction problem, not their problem to assist with or to try to avoid triggering in the first place. And how could they know the absolute depth of them really? And is it in any way, their part to assist? Isn't pain the catalyst we all sometimes need to move ahead? But I want to bite out, to create space, like a wounded animal to put the scab back on. I want to retreat, I want to run.

If you can't quite make out the lyrics of this song, look them up, or let me know and I'll reprint them here. Worth exploring. Missy Higgins and the song is Scar.

Dream: Hey, I'm Going to France!

This is a short dream:

I'm preparing for a trip to France. It appears to be school-related in some way as there are other students going. My name is "Roan" or "Rogue" The person booking my flight at the airport tries to book me in a hotel that is in a different town from everyone else. I tell her I want to be on a flight/in a hotel/in a town with the others. She says "Yeah, I wouldn't want to do that either" and changes the arrangements which causes me to be running late, but I still make it onto the plane.

Trip = Experience, lesson. If going on a trip, adventure into a new aspect of self. Way one views situations; addictions and attitudes. A trip is but a learning tool, neither good nor bad. Eventually one learns to rise above all trips or investments in certain beliefs.

Airplane = Any flying aircraft indicates spiritual awakening, soaring to new heights. Note whether plan is on the ground, up in the air, taking off or landing; positions reflect your spiritual awareness or perception concerning a particular problem or situation.

Airport = point of departure for spiritual awakening.

as mentioned before:
School = life is school: you are here only to learn and grow. You are taught by all people and all situations. Be enthusiastic; you are going to go through it anyway. Lessons never change until you learn them, so might as well get in and work through them now. Each night you are out of the body and learn in schools on higher levels. Each level of consciousness is teaching you something about the nature of self.


From this brief dream, I understand the ticket agent as a guide, who was trying to book me the most efficient way (for my growth?), but I was not yet ready or feeling strong enough to be separated out to journey on my own and she conveyed understanding and empathy for that and accommodated me accordingly.

The plane was on the ground waiting for me, so I do not remember it taking off yet in the dream. Could mean I'm waiting, or preparing but not yet ready...but almost.

I have no idea why France. It isn't a place I'm dying to go...it's on the list, but certainly not at the top.

Also, I've suspected it for a while, but my husband is beginning to confirm for me, when I dream travel, I often stop breathing. I've always felt that I leave my body so fully that it is maintained at a minimal level on this plane, like a hybernated state where all is slowed to minimum. Because when I have these really far away dreams, as soon as I re-enter my body there is a strong surge of energy, a deep breath, and the blood feels like it is forcefully pumped back through my body...like everything had stopped. I asked my husband to be aware when he could if he's ever awake when I'm asleep, and he has caught me not breathing several times so far. I can only trust that my higher activities are looking out for my body and than I have nothing to be alarmed about. I'm aware of all of the health ramifications of sleep apnea, so am keeping an eye on things as best as I can. There is no insurance nor money to undergo a sleep study, or to maintain/purchase etc a C-Pap.

Two New "Beauty" Products

I succumbed to vanity and lame promises from the beauty industry (despite my desire to just be happy being ME) and purchased two new Items: Loreal Lash Serum, and Neutrogena Ageless Restoratives Instant Eye Reviver.

See, I've always had wimpy lashes. They seem to be thick enough, and dark enough, but not very long, and it doesn't' matter if I stand on my head and whistle Dixie while using a lash curler, they won't curl, they sort of stick out straight which means they look like they aren't there. Also, recently, I've noticed that my dark circles are etching ever deeper under my eyes and my eyes are getting puffier. Must be all those darn dreams! Oh, and I guess being 48 almost 49 might have a little something to do with it. I was looking for some ways that would prolong my lack of affection for a daily make-up routine. I usually only wear make-up when I feel like putting it on, which isn't' often.

So I had seen on TV and magazines these two new products and thought I would try them. I'm aware I'm going against all things holy since I want to move towards more natural products and these are NOT. And they are way more money than *I* usually am willing to pay. But once in a while, I have a girly moment where I succumb to the hype of the fashion industry. I'm a work in progress.

I have not been using either of these two products long enough yet to tell you what I really think of their performance but can tell you how things are going so far.

As I've mentioned before, I really like Loreal's Double Extend Mascara, so when they began to advertise their Double Extend newly formulated with a lash-boosting serum I thought I would try it. So I bought the kit (about $22) that had a tube of the serum and a tube of the Double Extend mascara with the serum built in. You are supposed to use the Double Extend mascara by day, and the Serum by night.

The Serum is on a mascara wand that is really more like a sponge. You apply it like mascara at night and also take the sponge-like wand and apply a line at your lash line like you would an eye liner. There are some slight vapors like there may be alcohol in it, but I didn't get any eye irritation from it. Easy to apply.

So here is what I always knew about myself. I'm still lazy. I often don't wash my face at night or remove make-up if I've put any on that day. I wash in the shower in the morning and start over then. So I should have known that any regimen that required daily and nightly use would not become a routine. So, on days when I'm not planning any make-up, I've been using the serum during the day, and at night if I remember, but only using the mascara on days I feel like wearing any. The serum makes your lashes slightly stiff and gives them a slight look of definition all by itself.

I think the point is, over time, your lashes are supposed to become healthier, fall out less, and perhaps thicken or grow, but it isn't like Latisse or anything. And, even though these purchases were my vanity betraying me, I just can't see spending that type of money for a dangerous chemical like Latisse. That just seems crazy for the negligible gains. Cuz honestly, I almost never notice anybody else's eyelashes. And I heard the other day that one of our local med-spas gives lash perms. HOLY CRAP, you have GOT to be kidding me! Chemical curling of the eyelashes. Yeah, that's bound to be safe. And again...who really looks at them? So why did I buy this stupid product? Moment of weakness and vanity. It happens to the most Zen...or so I tell myself.

Next product is the Neutrogena Ageless Restoratives Instant Eye Reviver. Little tube of cream (costing around $18) that has a metal roller-ball applicator in the neck. Again, I'm not one who will stick to the twice per day habit. And note to self...a little goes a LONG way. You don't need much of this stuff and in fact, it has a tendency, if you rub your eyes later, to booger-off and roll hunks off which feels icky. Truth be told, I bet it simply works on the premise of a little hydration around the eyes and the cool steel roller ball is where the real magic is (so why not just sell those?). The ball stays cool even in the drawer so naturally, anything cold will assist with eye puffiness, and the fact that you roll the ball around your eye area is a form of massage which will help to disperse and drain the stored fluids from the eye area. I'm a rocket scientist! But I still bought it, so I am pretty stupid after all. I can't tell that it does much so far, but I haven't used it long, nor with the regularity they recommend. But I really think it is the coolness and the massaging action. So find a cold metal roller ball and massage it around your eyes every morning. Just don't poke it into your eye.

It's really hard to convince me that any of these beauty products do enough to make them worth the money,or chemicals they contain, OR that we are not better off spending the money on therapy so that we learn to love ourselves like we are. Myself included, of course.

Movie Review: The Lovely Bones. WITH SPOILERS!

OK, so with the light of dawn, I'm not quite as mad about the movie adaptation of the book. But at 1 a.m., I finally broke down and took a sleep aid because every time I would settle in to sleep, the images would begin and I didn't want nightmares. So I would perk up and try to shift my thoughts somewhere else.

In all fairness, perhaps the written word does not disturb me as much as visual images. But I do think there is more to it than that. I got the book out and my husband and I will re-read it, fresh after watching the movie so I can have a witness.

In the book, the girl dies in the first 15 pages. I didn't keep track in the movie, but they took a really long time to set up the characters, and to set up the creepy guy and for the murder to take place. Then, following the murder, (she isn't raped in the movie as she is in the book), they show the scene of creep-man's bathroom where you see mud and blood everywhere, and a straight razor sitting on the side of the sink. OK, that is enough to do me in. I don't recall any of that imagery from the book. It was bad enough the way she died in the book but that wasn't the REASON for the book. The murder was the catalyst of the book.

They spend a WHOLE lot of time focusing on the family dynamics after the murder and OK, I'll have to re-read it, but I don't remember that the creep was a mass-serial killer...was he? Who kept scrapbooks and newspaper clippings and a sketch book of his trap contraptions? They spent a great deal of time on HIM. And the Family, and the Dad. Not so much on the Heaven transition.

As I remember the book, a girl dies in a bad way, and then has an experience of the afterlife that was very different than anything I've ever encountered, I thought it was interesting. And as I remember it, she was instrumental in solving her own murder...that was the purpose for her staying longer.

I don't recall a budding romance, or her channeling into a girl from school who could see spirits so her boyfriend could give her her first, and last kiss.

From my perspective, they got it all wrong. They focused on the grisly and the spooky and the suspense and left out the spiritual which is what *I* thought the book mainly focused on. The love and the transition, along with justice for creep-man.

I didn't used to think of myself as a prude, so it makes me feel like an old person...like my mother or grandmother to say that I find so much of movies and TV increasingly upping the ante on the fear, violence, brutality, sexuality, and dysfunction of the world and everything needs to be loud, flashy, multiple frames per second assault on the senses. Is that due to my age?

Part of my frustration at times, is the over-the-top portrayals of spirituality, life after death, ghosts, etc. I quit watching Medium and Ghost Whisperer because they just kept making it scarier and scarier, and more brutal. Ghost's don't appear that way. I've never seen ONE who showed up mangled or in the gruesome form in which they died. They appear, most often in the way they were happiest, at an age or time that you would most recognize them...not all ghoulish and freaky. While I'm happy that media is starting to take an interest in the supernatural and spiritual in a more mainstream way, they are portraying it in a way that makes it frightening to people and keeps in shrouded in a place where the average person dare not go. That's a problem...a separate problem from this movie.

I wish we had gone to see Dear John instead. Maybe next weekend.

Movie Review. The Lovely Bones. No Spoilers.

I HA-TED IT. I thought the book was a new and interesting concept. The book and the movie have the title in common. And now, thank you very much, I will have nightmares. I'm pissed.

I posted a review of this on La Grande Life and an obviously young reader took great offense to my bashing of it.  She loved it.  I don't get it...I really don't.

Dream: Late for School! I Can't Find My Underwear!

Ya know, I'm starting to think there might be something to this dream analysis stuff. Cuz, if you've noticed, of all of them we've explored so far, the themes really do fit the things I'm working on. It doesn't even take rocket-science to figure it out! Here is last night's installment:

I wake up late. It is May, and I will graduate in June with my Master's degree. My 8:00 class is really important [and something hard like physics or chemistry or something]. It is 7:40. No time for a shower which I really need because my hair is all bed-head. I am scrambling for clothes and find I can't find my bra and there is no clean underwear. So I'm scrambling through drawers and closets looking for the old things I never wear, even a swimming suit might do...I see lots of bright flower patterned ones but nothing really fits. I find a bra - it is lacy and dark brown, really pretty [I have nothing like this], still no undies. I find pants (black) and am wearing them and am looking for brown shoes, the black ones I have on will not do. But all of my shoes have been moved or lost. I wake up my sister...only she is African American and I'm white [what is WITH the racial implications of the last couple of dreams???].

My sister is still in bed - her classes don't start until later. Most of her stuff is packed in boxes because apparently she's moving when school gets out. She has moved a bunch of my stuff to different locations to suit her and isn't interested in helping me find anything, which makes me mad [and also, this particular sister, would not be this way]. It is now 8:30 and I'm in a panic - still not fully dressed, realizing it is too late to catch my first class and wondering if I should bag the day, do some laundry and be better prepared tomorrow.

I get a look at myself in the mirror. I'm me, and in the dream nothing is unusual, but from my waking perspective, in the dream I am taller, thinner, have lighter, shorter, curlier hair...a bit more like I looked at the age of around 25. I have on black shoes, black pants, a brown bra and am still trying to find underpants and brown shoes, but apparently not concerned that I don't have a shirt.

I woke up with a bad headache. I wrote down the dream right away and then went to the Dream Book to see how many of the things in the dream I could locate. It's uncannily right on...you'll see:

Laundry (again) = cleaning up aspects of self - cleaning up your act.

Racial Themes? = Any ideas? Anybody? Am I a racist?

Late = missing opportunities, undisciplined, irresponsible, time is of the essence, be ready! [be ready for what? am I irresponsible? I AM undisciplined]

Sister = feminine part of self. Quality of self you project onto your sister or sister figure. Perception of relationship with actual sister or person sister represents. [yes..having issues with this]

College = an advanced course in learning and growth
School = life is school: you are here only to learn and grow. You are taught by all people and all situations. Be enthusiastic; you are going to go through it anyway. Lessons never change until you learn them, so might as well get in and work through them now. Each night you are out of the body and learn in schools on higher levels. Each level of consciousness is teaching you something about the nature of self. [it ALWAYS feels like more goes on in my sleep than happens in my waking world, AND there is a sense of information being downloaded often faster than my circuits can take]

Undress = to expose your true feelings, ideas, not hiding from self or others [so, since I was trying to get dressed, does this mean that these issues are in transition?]
Clothes = the role or games you play, attitudes you have. [which are shifting and changing]
Underwear = cover or protection of self. Part of self still hiding from true self. [since I never did find any underwear, I take it to mean I am currently rather unprotected and exposed and not liking it very much]
Shoe = Grounding. Things which protect you on your journey through life. Do not judge another until you have walked in his or her shoes. Wearing too many shoes, filling too many roles. [those have been falling away but I still feel the pull to conform to roles, and to be in the socially acceptable roles]
Pants = cover for the lower chakras - could be hiding your sexuality. [lots of female troubles over my life, surgeries, miscarriages, this area is shielded and protected]
No reference in book to brown bra...dirty boobs? :-)

Sleep = lack of awareness - unwillingness to see or change anything; stagnation. WAKE-UP! [since I woke up, but woke up late, wonder what that means in this context]

So I also reflect that I do not have a close relationship with any of my sisters and am, in fact estranged from one of them. I've been thinking a lot about that lately, trying to figure it out and decide what, if anything to do about it. Was just talking aloud to my husband about it last night.

In the dream, the sister who is still in bed is one who would block all psychic notions and fear them, so in essence could be considered "asleep"; is staying "in bed" and will go to "school" later and in fact, is "moving" somewhere else (spiritually)

WOW...this all SOOO fits. Am I boring you? I can never tell if I'm being Simon Cowell's self-indulgent performer, or if this in any way will help you explore yourselves. Tell me if I'm boring you...I can go back and review lipstick or something :-)

We're going to see "The Lovely Bones" today. I hope it doesn't give me nightmares. I've read the book but you never know what emphasis they are going to take in a movie adaptation. I'll review it for you...WITH spoilers :-)