New Year's Resolutions: Self Acceptance. Live in the Now.

I will probably need to make this same resolution every day for the rest of my life:

Learn To Love And Accept Yourself.

Cuz, ya know, if I ever master that, all the other resolutions I've ever made will fall into place.  I don't mean the type of stagnant self acceptance that says I am what I am and will never change or grow or improve.  I mean the kind of self love and acceptance that realizes I am a work in progress and that I have no standard to live up to.  I came into this world perfectly lovable and acceptable and remain so forever.  I don't need to prove anything to anybody or look a certain way or earn a certain amount or give a certain chunk of my time, efforts or money.  I don't have to conform to an image that someone else created as perfection.  We are all perfection at our core.

I want to look in the mirror and see what's inside.
I want to feel good about my body.
I want to take good care of my health.
I want contentment, happiness, peace.
I want a whole lot of things, but if I can master self acceptance and self love...doesn't that take care of all of the other wants?  Suddenly, there is no need to spend a new year's wish on how I look, on losing weight, on exercising more.  If I love and accept myself, I will naturally take good care of me...not to achieve a look but to maintain health out of self care.

Sure I want to improve, to get better, to be nicer, to be more accepting of all beings.  I want to be truly, and internally FREE of what other people think about me.   But doesn't it start with and end with how I love and accept me?  Don't all other things flow from there?  If I beat myself up for not meeting an expectation, isn't that just another form of self loathing?

Some of these thoughts come from the deep impact of that book I just read and reviewed yesterday, The Short Bus.  I've been doing some self beating.  I want it to be my goal to love and accept me.  If I do that, I sense I will also, miraculously and suddenly also love and accept all others...for who and what and where they are right now.  Not the kind of fake love that says "I love all my brethren, because I'm supposed to, in order to live by a preconceived set of rules", but the kind of love that is the natural base and way of things when you strip away all the bullshit.

Do I expect to get there in a year?  PFFFFTTT!!  PU-LEEZE!  This is a lifetime, everyday, forever sort of resolution.  I'm in it for the long haul.

Hmmmm, but just where does one begin?  As I have told clients all along, it begins with awareness.  Catching myself being negative, judgmental or hard on myself or others.  Next step would be to stop beating myself up when I notice I've done it.  Next step would be to catch it in progress and stop it if possible, or at least decide on how I could try to do it next time.  All with an attitude of acceptance for where I am in the journey.  And eventually, over time, over a very long time, most likely, change my patterns and thinking by doing the things I wish I wouldn't or thinking the thoughts I wish I wouldn't a little less, and a little less and a little less.  And learning slowly to replace some of that less-than-helpful, less-than-loving self talk with positive things.  To learn to speak to myself as I would a beloved friend.  Why can't I be a beloved friend to myself?  Surely this is possible.

And to go hand in hand, since I'm an over-achiever and all, my second resolution for a lifetime would be this:

Be Present.  Be Right Here, Right Now.  Live in the Now of things.

Does that mean I never make an appointment or have a guidline for how I will spend my time today or tomorrow?  Of course not.  It means that in all things I choose, to be fully in them, and present with them.  Not stuck on what I didn't do right YESTERDAY, or what someone said or did to me BACK WHEN, or on the WHAT IF's and worry of TOMORROW, or to always be rushing the WHAT IS, because of the WHAT I MUST DO NEXT.

There they are...my mission...should I choose to accept it.  Luckily, this message will not self destruct in 60 seconds.  I will be reminded over and over and over of my soul's calling.  It gently sings over and over, just hoping I will finally hear it.

Book Review: The Short Bus; A Journey Beyond Normal by Jonathan Mooney

"Our culture often conflates giftedness with academic achievement.  But nothing could be farther from the truth.  Truly gifted individuals often don't do well in school at all."

"If you watch the strange, the other, the bizarre long enough, if you really see these people, you will find familiar pieces of yourself in their experiences.  Empathy may be our only hope."

"How do we find a place, as ourselves, as exceptional people, in the world?"

"I learned that sickness is really normal.  That sickness is a part of health.  I learned that normal is so much bigger than we think....When you realize that sickness is normal you're free.  You can stop trying to be other than as you are."

"For so long I thought my worth was in what I achieved.  I thought that all that mattered in this story was that I had overcome.  I started this trip chasing a horizon, and now it was gone and I was left with myself in the bus.  I read that the photographer Diane Arbus once said that what is left, after what one isn't is taken away, is what one is."

I could go on with quotes.  This book, The Short Bus; A Journey Beyond Normal, by Jonathan Mooney, deeply moved me.  I realize, in saying so that there are many very deeply personal reasons for it, that this book might not be loved by everyone, or understood by everyone.

Jonathan, who grew up with disability labels, set out on a journey, in a "short bus"; arguably the symbol for difference and separation.  He traveled around the country and met and learned the stories of many people of difference.  He met people who lived on the fringes of "normalcy" or downright avoided even coming close to traditional definitions of normalcy.  He wanted to learn about himself through the stories of others and to come to terms with what it meant to be him.  It was his existential journey of the soul.  Or at least that's my take.

At times the book made me laugh, and many many times, it made me cry.  And I'm not even sure I can do justice to all it made me feel and the depth of confusion it left me with.  I was left with this overwhelming urge to write to Jonathan and ask..."So what do we do?  How do we as parents, as teachers, as people of the universe, integrate those who grate against every idea we have of "normal"?"  And, true to the book, I heard his answer in my head "I'm not your fucking therapist lady, or a poster child for everyone with a different way of being in this world.  That's YOUR journey to discover for yourself.  I can't spoon-feed you and easy answer."

As many of you know, I'm the parent of a child who struggles at every turn with difference.  And this book made me feel like a total failure at learning to embrace his differences.  I never learned how to be OK, with so many of my child's different ways of traversing this world.  He found more understanding and ACCEPTANCE in the fringe groups he has lived in since leaving home.  Oh sure, I LOVE him.  I don't think I could have loved him more or tried harder.  But I never did, learn how to embrace the totality of who he is; to sit with it and be OK: to cease to apologize for it, take responsibility/blame for it, or allow it to simply be.  I've spent his life trying to help him fit in and be other than who he is.  And I'm really sad about that.  This book illustrated the utter and abysmal depth of pain that people experience when who they are is never good enough.

And still I sit here, wondering how to do that.  Wondering if I'll ever get it.  I want to be one of those people who can see through the challenges to the gifts.  While I can do it to some degree, the pain I've witnessed as my child didn't fit anywhere was compounded by my efforts to "help" him to fit so he wouldn't have such pain.  Sort of ironic.  Sort of pathetic.  Sort of sucks.

This book moved me to my core.  Perhaps it can lead me to a place of hopefulness and resolution, but for now, I'm wallowing in a sense of being a failed human for not being able, at least not yet, to fully appreciate and embrace the extreme differences of our species.  My heart knows that I don't want us all to be cookie cutter people, and my heart knows that some of the behaviors that confound me with the various "disabilities" are also the same ones that show me flashes of brilliance.  My head is a product of my culture, and I'm afraid I've done a piss-poor job of rising above that.

I highly recommend this book if you are interested in an insider's view, if you want your thinking challenged, if you want to move into the pain of it, and pray to transcend to some better understanding.  It is my behavior that needs to change.  My heart, my head, my shit.  Our diagnostic categories for mental illness, educational ability, and personality traits are such a double-edged sword.  I'm not sure that doing away with them altogether is the answer, but I feel we (myself included) have come to depend on them as our way of building walls between "us" and "them".  There is only "we".

Thanks for bending my brain Jonathan.  I'll strive for greater compassion, empathy, inclusion, and understanding.  Those who seem vastly different than myself, who I don't understand or can't seem to relate to, all contain aspects of me.  We're all on this spinning top together.

New Year Resolutions. Yes or No?

I was contemplating New Year resolutions today.  OK, only after I got on the scale.

And then I got to thinking, how many of us keep our New Year resolutions?  Anybody?  Oh, sure, we mean well.  The most common one of course, after over-indulging during the holidays is to "lose weight and get in shape".  Who doesn't want that right?  Truth be told, I want to go to sleep, hand over my body to somebody else for them to do all the hard work and then give it back to me, waking up to the new me.  What???  A girl can dream can't she?

And I've made meaningful resolutions before too, ones that truly are a desire of my heart:  be nicer, meditate daily, make healthy choices, live more from my spirit than my ego.  All really nice.  Until I lose sight of them.

I think, perhaps, I'm not one of those people who can ever keep a goal in sight for very long.  I make New Year resolutions because that's what we're supposed to do.  Look back on the past year, and vow to do better.  Nothing wrong with that.  But realistically, if we can pause, reflect, and just feel the desire of our heart for our lives...even if it is only for a moment.  It has value.  Perhaps of less value are those promises that we know we will break.  Perhaps a good promise to try would be to take stock a bit more frequently, and again, if only for a moment, feel the desire of our hearts for our lives.  That and swear off anything edible for 12 months. :-)

Do you make New Year resolutions?  What will some of them be this year?  If you don't make them, is there a reason why?  Usually I don't.  Last year I did.  This year, I may not again.  I resolve to be fickle.  I think I can achieve that.

FML; The Website

I've seen this abbreviation from time to time on the Facebook pages of the "younger set".  FML stands for "Fuck My Life." and usually translates into "this day or this moment or this situation really SUCKS!".

Another young whipper snapper introduced me to this website; FMyLife. On this website is a hilarious collection of stories that readers everywhere send in about truly embarrassing or awful moments.  There are links to categories such as: Love, Money, Kids, Health, Work, Intimacy, Miscellaneous or you may choose by country.  Trust me, if you thought your day was going badly...check out some of the posts:

"Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML"

"Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML"

"Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML"

I won't print any from the intimacy category, but they are truly funny.  And there is also a book of some of the best.  Better yet, you can add your own.  Here's one *I* should add from my life....what do you think?

"Once, when I was promoting my business on a local radio program I got flustered and somehow combined that I had both a MASTER'S degree and a BACHELOR'S degree, and live, on the air I firmly stated that I had a "BASTARD'S degree".  Then the hysterical laughter that erupted after sort of blew my professional facade." FML

Feel free to tell some of those stories here if you want, but don't miss out on reading some of the stories on the FMyLife webpage.

Movie Review: True Grit

Whether you see the original 1969 version, or the 2010 version, True Grit is a classic Western.  It's been a really long time since I saw the original, so I can't compare and contrast the two movies.  Rumor has it that this remake stays truer to the book than the original.  But I don't know that.

The basic plot, just like the original, is that Mattie Ross, an independent, tough, 14 year old girl, goes on a journey to avenge her father's murder.  She enlists the help of Texas Rangers Rooster Cogburn and La Boeuf.  They set out on a dangerous adventure and their mission is accomplished.

This movie, like the original, has the finger chopping off scene and the snake pit scene that I remember from my childhood.  Those two scenes stuck in my brain forever.

Jeff Bridges plays a much better Rooster Cogburn than...dare I say it?...John Wayne.  Can it be?  John Wayne won his only academy award for his portrayal of Rooster.  And hands down, Matt Damon easily outshines Glen Campbell as La Boeuf.  Glen Campbell was really popular back then, but a rootin-tootin-cowboy?  Not-so-much.  As much as I recall loving Kim Darby in the roll of Mattie Ross, I'm also going to give the best performance award to Hailee Steinfeld for her portrayal of Mattie Ross.  She was phenomenal. Josh Brolin's part of playing murderer and outlaw Tom Chaney was a very small part.  I don't even remember the guy who played him in the original (Jeff Corey).

In fairness to the original, I will say that acting and drama were expressed differently depending on the time period the movie or television program was created.  For example, I recently watched an old episode of Perry Mason and could not believe how utterly over the top and corny the acting was.  But when it was being aired, it was one of the most popular shows of it's time.

The movie itself may have held a pace that was at times a bit slow, but the performances were stellar.  Also if note, was the way language was used and expressed in this version.  I don't think that the script utilized any contractions.  The speech was staccato and choppy and I'm sure it was on purpose, which made it interesting.  Also, I kept being struck by the high educational level of Mattie Ross.  At the age of 14, she showed signs of education that would rival most college graduates.  I don't know if that was typical of the time period, or if it was to show the stark contrast between the other characters.

And I'm always a sucker for a strong, independent, take-no-crap-off-men female character, especially a young one.  That girl didn't back down or complain about a thing.

I found myself wondering how the Cohen Brothers could create a PG-13 movie.  They have such a love for splattery, splashy violence.  But this was not much more violent than the original.  Perhaps just a tad more splatter, but they kept their blood-lust well reigned.

These reviewers agreed with me. Or, is it that I agreed with them? I located this review AFTER I wrote mine...let's just say...we agreed that we liked it :-)

Movie Review: Despicable Me

I was a little late getting around to seeing this movie.  I ended up going with a 15 year old friend during the holiday free showing that happens every year in our local theater.  We went to the 9:00 a.m. showing so it was only marginally crawling with young children.

I thought this was a really fun movie.  The basic plot is a battle between two evil-doers to gain power, control and financing for being the meanest dudes on the planet.  The race is on to steal the shrink ray gun AND shrink and steal the moon.  Against this backdrop, there are three cookie-selling orphans that are enlisted to unknowingly assist with the plot.  But the tables end up being turned...a few times.

The animations is fantastic.  The kids are adorable, the Minions are humorous and there are smiles enough to go around for everyone.  It's a kids movie, but one that adults will enjoy as well.  If nothing else for the visual treat of the animation quality.

Christmas Secrets Revealed!

Well, if you are in the know and heard on Facebook all last week, I borrowed a boy for Christmas.  And we kept busy since his mom had to work last week.  They've hit the road for Christmas with extended family, but he and I spent last week in Secret Santa Land, creating gifts for his family.

First off, I'm going to give credit where credit is due.  I know I had Divine intervention from angels looking out for us.  I'm NOT, by nature, a patient, OR creative person.  I burn most meals, and I do not possess an artistic bone in my body.  And yet, the ideas kept flowing, and we stayed industrious and busy all week.

I looked up recipes and got supplies, and found instructional YouTube videos and we made the following:

• Scented body oils
• Fizzing Bath Bombs (two recipes...both very different)
• Tooth Powder
• Mouth Wash
• Bath Salts
• Chap stick and Lip Salve (same thing, different containers)
• BBQ sauce that we bottled with ribbons

In addition, we played games (Mad Gab, Mancala, Trivial Pursuit Steal, You've Got To Be Kidding).  We went to a movie and saw Despicable Me.  We went to lunch every day someplace different.  We went to a bath and body store and picked out interesting things.  I had some jewelry that I made for sale there so he picked out whatever he wanted for his "girls".  We went shopping and picked out scented candles and other fun but inexpensive stuff.  We went to the dollar store and played with toys in the toy isle and got candy.  We went to the bead store and hand picked a wide variety of beads for his mom and two sisters. 

We went to my mom's to bake cookies.  She had prepared ginger bread men ahead of time, and had two different types of dough ready for us to make cookie cutter cookies and cookie gun cookies and decorate them all.  And we shoveled her walks.  While we were shopping, I asked him to help me pick out some gifts for my "nephew" who is about his size and height and age.  Only that guy doesn't really exist.  So all the stuff we picked out, I packaged up for him.  SCORE!  I don't think I'll get away with that next year, do you?

We didn't turn the TV on all week (well not during our time together anyway).  And we kept our minds and hands busy.  It was tiring and some of the best, most enjoyable time I've had in a long while.  And we talked...about everything.  I wore the huge candy ring he gave me, while pretending to smoke my fart-whistle, while playing games.  I'm sure you can picture that!  We had the computer tuned to play non-stop Christmas music and were known to break out in off-key singing.  I introduced him to squeeze cheese from a can (I'll probably burn in Hell for that), used to fill jumbo black olives, spray on fingers, crackers or any other handy object.

And I hope, he felt empowered to be able to give to his mom and his sisters things he chose and created.  He chose all the scents, and he mixed and prepared all of the recipes.  And he named them all.  I made labels for the creations on the computer but he creatively thought of all the exotic names for our products.  Like "Cremecicle Lip Balm" and "Mint Kisses" bath salt.  Stuff like that.

The photo you see above are the chocolate bath bombs we made to look and smell like candy.  It's highly possible that they will make muddy water in the tub when used, but that's not really the point.  The point was the doing.  These will fizz like Alka-Selzter when dropped into water. And everything we made was all-natural, chemical free and with at least 98% or more organic ingredients.

If any of the recipes sound fun, let me know and I can post what we did and how we did it.  Most everything is super easy, inexpensive, and healthy.  I was dying to try some of these recipes out cuz I don't happen to have a bath tub, so what better time?  And he did all of the wrapping and creating of everything.  So he got to leave the house on Thursday afternoon with armloads of packages for his family.

This is SO, not about me tooting my own horn of philanthropy.  I had no idea when I started that the gift would be far more for me than for him.  It was an awesome experience.  Since he's 15, I have the feeling that by next year, there will be nothing cool about me at all.  But we had this year to make lasting memories and bonds between us.  And he helped, most of the time, keep my mind of missing my own boy.  People are so short on time these days.  I may not have much money, but I have time.  I remember what it is like to feel rushed, impatient, frazzled...too little of me to go around.  It was fun to experience being fully present.  That's a gift we don't often get to experience.

My husband and I don't really do much or celebrate or give gifts to each other or others for Christmas.  It would be hard to tell the difference between Christmas at our house and just an ordinary weekend.  Sometimes, we will share a holiday meal with my mom.  But she didn't feel like cooking...I never feel like cooking and so...we are going to be the movie losers who have their holiday meal at the truck stop.  I think it sounds like a grand new tradition.  Either something we will enjoy, or something we will laugh about for years to come.  Cuz it isn't about what you do, or how traditional it is, or how much you spend.  It's about making memories if you can.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve.  Wow.  Wasn't that just here?

I spent the last week, entertaining a 15 year old boy who was off for vacation, but his mom had to work.  His dad died just before Thanksgiving, so I wanted to spend time with him.  I was hoping that when he looked back on the Christmas of 2010, it woudn't ONLY be known for "the Christmas that sucked, the Christmas that Dad died".  I'm not sure if we accomplished that, but I think it was a gift to both of us.

Christmas is hard for me too, since I can't be with my son.  I haven't seen him in nearly 9 years now, so there have been no Christmas reunions of old times.  And I grieve not getting to see him, and I also doubly grieve that even if I could, it is likely not to be the successful fantasy.  I grieve the loss of how things might have been under different circumstances.

But spending the days with my girlfriend's son this past week has been an unexpected gift.  Oh, sure, it has also made me sad at times.  There is a bitter sweetness to the memories that spending time with my elf unearthed, but all in all, it kept MY mind occupied as much or more than his was.  Instead of a week spent pouting, I might only have to endure a couple of days of funk.  I'm grateful that this opportunity to bond and bring each other up a notch in the attitude department, was available to us; even though the circumstances were sad and tragic.

I guess that old saying is really true...you can bring yourself out of your holiday funk...at least partially, by concentrating your efforts and love on helping somebody else.  The gift I thought I was giving, turned out to be the gift I got.

Tomorrow...since the secrets will be revealed, I can tell you about the secret Santa projects we worked on all week.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Mountain Rose Herbs Holiday Giveaway - Week 4

Mountain Rose Herbs is at it again with another cool product giveaway.  This week they are giving away some most excellent bodycare products.  I remain forever hopeful that I might win one of these weekly holiday gift giveaways!  There's magic in the air...anything could happen, right?

I love Mountain Rose Herbs' products.  I'm an addict.  I'll admit it.  I need a 12-step program for herbal products.

To enter, go to the link and good luck to you all and to all a good night!

Episodic Posts Until After the Holidays

I wanna give you a heads up...ya know, in case there is anyone out there who reads my blog daily, that there will be some spaces in my posts until after the holidays.

I've borrowed my friend's son for this week.  We're crafting all sorts of secret, Santa's Workshop, Elf-like Christmas presents for his family.  And quality workmanship just takes time you know!  It's been a long time since I've had a teenage boy at my house...they're fun...well THIS one is anyway :-)  I guess they always behave better for someone else, right?

His dad died shortly before Thanksgiving and he could sure use a boost and some distraction.  And who could be more distracting than me???

So bear with me.  I know all of the experts say that a successful blogger must post at least daily to maintain reader interest.  But, for starters, I think we could argue the point about whether this blog is successful, and second, we all know that "work", of any kind, if far less important than the people in our lives.

So if inspiration strikes, and I'm not too pooped from playing, I'll post.

Have a beautiful holiday season.  Be present with your loved ones.  Instead of thinking of the next thing on your list, be fully WITH each task and the people who are present in those "tasks".  This is the only year that you will have, THIS year, and these ages, and these moments.

Twinkling lights, magic, wonder, love, and peace to you all.

Lullaby of Christmas narrated by Gregory Peck

Yesterday I mentioned how much I loved hearing the recording of The Littlest Angel (written in 1939 as a radio script and later, in 1946 in book form), and that on the flip side of the record was a story called Lullaby of Christmas which is narrated by Gregory Peck. As I kid, I didn't like this story as much because the cruelty the child experienced was painful for me. It literally hurt me to hear it. But it's still quite a story.  Both stories were written by Charles Tazewell.

And here it is...

Book Review: The Littlest Angel by Charles Tazewell

I grew up with this story.  As far back as I can recall, I listened to this story on a record (vinyl for those of you who are too young to remember what a record was).  It was narrated by Loretta Young.  I would listen to it and feel the angst of this little child, taken too soon and not fitting in very well in heaven.  The narration was so moving.  It was later made into a movie staring Johnny Whitaker ("Jody" from Family Affair fame).

In this story, The Littlest Angel finds himself in Heaven around the time of the birth of Christ.  He's lonely in Heaven and he doesn't fit in.  He's hyper, and he sings off key, and he misses his earthly home.  He asks an angel to fetch a special box from under his bed back home...a box of treasures that will be given to God in honor of the birth of the Christ child.

Not only did I adore this story as a little kid, but when I became the mother, of a son, a hyper son who would never have fit in behind the pearly gates, it took on even more meaning.  This version, with these illustrations by Paul Michich, is my favorite version (well, favorite after the recorded version...which my father put onto cassette tape for me when my son was little).

The illustrations are as moving as the story.  And somehow, between the familiar words of a story I treasured and was moved by as a child, and the connection to the story as the mother of an "all boy", I rarely made it through the story without shedding a few tears or having my voice catch.  It's special.  It's a book we put away each year with the Christmas decorations, and happily took out each year to rediscover.

As you can see from the last Amazon link below, somewhere, someone might still have a copy of the album.  The flip side of this story record was a very sad Christmas story called Lullaby of Christmas and is narrated by Gregory Peck.  I bet if somebody wanted to re-release those on CD, they would sell like hot-cakes.  Let me know if you discover that they have.






AND...OMG OMG OMG people...some wonderful soul posted the recording on YouTube.  I LOVE YOUTUBE!  So...below...you too may listen to the words from my childhood.






I'll post Lullaby of Christmas tomorrow cuz I found it too! WOOT!

Book Review: The Call by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

"Beyond the obvious choices to move away from what is by using a variety of substances - food, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, caffeine - the culturally preferred way of making sure we don't wake up is to keep ourselves perpetually exhausted and with constant activity, endless work, and consumption of overwhelming amounts of information; to DO continually.  And even when some of us reject the quest for more material wealth or social status, we do not necessarily break the pattern but turn instead to the pursuit of spiritual development.  Either way, we are in constant motion internally or externally.  We are rarely still.  We seldom find silence.  We do not rest.  And tired people do not want to wake up, don't have the energy to wake up, can't even fathom it as a possibility."

This quote comes form the book The Call by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, and is the third in the series.  The first was The Invitation, the second was The Dance.  All three are based on poems Oriah wrote and then expanded on by writing a chapter to go along with a section of the poem(s).  See previous posts for reviews on the first two.  This link will take you to the poem, The Call.  As with the other two books, it speaks deeply to the heart of the 40-something woman, who is in transition between parenting and the rest of her life, the woman who wishes to "wake up" to her true nature, to discover her path, purpose or to begin to be aware enough to live through the calling and voice of her Divinity.  As with the previous two in the series, I found it moving, thought-provoking, inspiring and emotional.  Spend some time with it.

"The ability to understand and take into account how your culture defines reality is one sign of being grounded, sane.  But what happens when your experiences lie outside this culturally acceptable definition of reality, as many spiritual experiences do?"

Yeah, what then?  I'm here baby...right here.  And each day, is a process of deciding to either step into the fullness of who I am and what I experience and share that with the world, or to retreat.  And it is a dance and an ebb and a flow...forward, retreat, forward retreat.  What I'm clear about is that I can never go back to being fully "alseep".  Being fully awake will take the rest of this life and then some, but it is a worthy goal, I think.

You speak my language Oriah.  You had me at Hello.

Anal Bleaching. WHAT?????

I'll just get this out of the way right up front, *primal scream*, WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO???

Up until a month or so ago, I had no idea that this "practice" even existed.  If you google the term, you'll come up with way more information than you ever wanted to know about the topic.  A friend of mine was joking about it on Facebook and posted this photo, which is a photo of an actual product being sold on the market for this purpose.

Why am I writing about it?  Cuz I find it weird and whacky, and morbidly fascinating and such a symbol of how far down the wrong path the world is going.

The basic premise is, if you want to have an exceptionally "attractive" anus, one that is pink and sparkly, you can bleach it.  It's the same idea as bleaching an age spot or bleaching anything else, I suppose...to "whiten and brighten".

So, this begs the question...WHY?  Apparently it is done by those in the porn industry who will be engaging in anal sex on camera.  Apparently a bleached anus is all the rage.  It also seems to be done by those who engage in a lot of anal sex and wish to "appear" more attractive to their partner.  Geeze, and all this time, I've not been even looking at mine to know if it wasn't the right color...how remiss of me!

So now you know WHAT it is, and WHY SOME people do it.  But the larger question for me is still WHY?

Mucus membrane areas are very permeable to taking in any chemical directly into the blood stream.  While it might not be a big deal to do it once, as a practice, I see a lot of potential health risks to introducing something into your system that is strong enough to remove the color from your skin.  So health is one problem I see.  And the other, goes hand in hand with my feelings about cosmetic surgery, implants, dying and cutting and all of the various ways that people will harm their bodies in the pursuit of whatever new ideal comes along.  It isn't new that humans have done this, but I find it so very sad.

People are literally willing to risk their lives for a "look" that will not endure, for an ideal that will change with the times, and in pursuit of being anybody other than who they are.  Obviously, this is an extreme, but where is that line?

Sure, we can laugh about this because it is really pretty hilarious...but real people...are doing this.  Things that make you go "hmmmm".

And here you go...here's a link if you want some.  I think I'll leave mine just like it is.  However that is...I can't see it.

Dream Interpretation: Knocking on the Door

I had not been asleep very long when I awoke with a start, to a loud pounding on the front door.  Not a knock so much as a quick, pounding with the outside of a fist.  My heart was pounding too.

I waited.  Nothing.  I looked over at my husband.  He was sound asleep.  Had it really happened, he would have heard it and been up in a flash.  So I dreamed it.  But it was only that...just a loud, insistent knocking/pounding.  After my heart rate returned to normal, I made a mental note to look that one up, and then went back to sleep.

According to The Dream Book by Betty Bethards:

Knock = Pay attention to what you are doing; opportunity knocks.

Or in this case, pounds.  I'm not a very good listener apparently.  So between the dream from yesterday about a snake, and this one about knocking, the only clear idea I have is that I need to be aware, and pay attention and be open, and listen and see what comes.

Dream Interpretation: A Snake

First of all...I hate snakes!  Hate them.  I would never want to dream about one.  I had a difficult time looking at photos of them to choose one for this post!  They freak my freak.

So this wasn't a very fun dream.  But it wasn't very complicated either.  That's why I view it as symbolic rather than astral travel.

In this dream, I am being relentlessly pursued by a large snake.  Probably of the constrictor variety.  It's not moving super fast, but I cannot seem to get away from it.  It doesn't appear to want to bite me and I never see it's mouth open, it's just always there...and it just keeps coming.  At one point in the dream I remember running into a room that had a space under the door, and I ran in, closed the door, then stuffed some sort of blanket or cloth into the space and then started putting some bricks behind that to block that space.  Shortly after I did that and had moved away, plunk...there goes a brick and in comes the snake.

About the point where I realize there is no escape, I wake up in a cold sweat.  Literally.

From my limited memory, I recall that Freud made all sorts of sexual implications about dreaming of snakes...sexual issues, penis envy, phallic fixation...the list goes on.  So I was sort of worried. But I also recall a dear friend of mine telling me that she has a great relationship with snakes and that they are very spiritual and mean good things to her.  I've also heard that due to the fact that they shed as they grow, they are symbols of transformation and regeneration and renewal.  So, I grabbed my trusty dream symbol book and here is what it says:

Kundalini power; life force, creative energy, Holy Spirit, healing power within.  The kundalini is housed in the base of the spine, and moves up the spinal column awakening the chakras or energy centers...snakes are a powerful symbol, never to be feared.  Snakes represent the awakening or continuance of spiritual growth.

OK, well, given my life...that fits.  I'll take it.  I also understand it to mean to pay attention to the growth and the symbols and the opportunities because more is coming.  Winter tends to be my big time of inward awareness of all things spiritual.

And I really like this dream book.  I used to hate them, but this one seems to hit my issues dead on, more times than not.

Week 3 Holiday Giveaway at Mountain Rose Herbs - Tea/Teapot

I love Mountain Rose Herbs out of Eugene, Oregon.  I order WAY too much stuff from them, but can't seem to help it.  They are a great resource for organic herbs, teas, supplies for home crafting of healthy things, spices, seeds, products.  If you are not familiar with them, you must introduce yourself to this fantastic resource.

During the holidays, they are hosting a weekly give away.  This week, week three, they are giving away a collection of organic tea and a 32 oz ceramic tea pot.  A great gift to give yourself for relaxation over the holidays.  Well, that is if YOU win it and *I* don't.  Here's how to enter.

Book Review: The Dance by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

In an earlier post, I reviewed The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer and The Dance is the second of a trio.

I'll begin with a quote that perhaps speaks more to content than any description I can give:

"What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?"

Yeah, that's pause for thought.  Interestingly, The Invitation, The Dance and The Call are books that expand on poems by the same names.  And between these two, I found that the poem of The Invitation, was by far my favorite of the three, but I enjoyed the book The Dance more than the book The Invitation.  Go figure.  Oh...and if you want to read the poem The Dance, here is that link.

First, let's get that nagging question out of the way...Who names their kid Oriah Mountain Dreamer?  Yeah, I know that was distracting you from my review.  Well, that was not her birth name.  She changed it.  The first name, Oriah, was given to her by her spirit guides that she calls "The Grandmothers".  They told her it means "She who belongs to the Beloved".  And Mountain Dreamer?  That name was given to her by Shamans she studied with.  Her, Native name, if you will.  Now we can roll our eyes about those hippie folks who take on weird and whacky spiritual names that just make them stand out as...weird hippie folks, but I also have a weird envy of it.  A name with a meaning.  A name with a story.  I think my name was just picked sort of randomly.  A name that sounded good to my mother.  My middle name is that of my great aunt who I barely know, and my last name is my father's family name.  I can't fault someone for taking on a name that speaks of their soul and their own journey's story.

Now...one we go.  I'm guessing that the exact timing of my age and life circumstance made this book exceptionally poignant for me.  I think Oriah was in her middle 40's when she wrote it, and I'm 49.  So many of the same issues of the longing for our true identity surface in these years.  She writes very honestly about her journey, her strengths, her beliefs, her frustrations.

As with The Invitation, The Dance breaks out a line or phrase from the poem into different chapters and then expands on those concepts.  In the case of this poem, I needed that.  The poem lost me in places, but her expansion of her thoughts was crystal clear to me.  I could feel where she had been, and the links between those places and where I have been or may be going.  It's not so much self-help, or how-to but a catalyst for triggering your own explorations of self.  Many kindred memories were triggered and rose to the surface to be re-examined through a different lens.

I'll leave you with this last quote...a quote you can easily place in your heart and take with you everywhere you go.  It comes from one of the meditations that end each chapter.  In this meditations, she encourages us to be with stillness to allow the Great Mystery to show itself to us.  I won't go into the entire meditation, but if you can take this along with you, you can practice it anywhere, anytime:

"...using the phrase 'slow down' on the inhale, add the phrase 'let go' on the exhale."

 

Movie Review: Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader

In the Chronicles of Narnia, Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Edmund and Lucy and their annoying cousin, find themselves back in the land of Narnia for another adventure.  A mysterious, negative mist is invading and slowly taking over.  They must go on a journey to collect 7 swords from 7 Lords, join the swords and set all things right again.  Or that's the jist.

You see, I'm going to have to admit something here.  I was unable to read the Chronicles of Narnia books by C.S. Lewis because they bored me silly.  I know, I know, most people loved the series.  I purchased it when my son was small and we tried, we really tried.  But it would not hold our attention at all.  My son did enjoy the PBS series by the same title, however.

So, with regards to the movies, the visuals and the characters held my attention but I have very little idea about the story.  Once again, the content, just like the books, escapes me.  It's just not my thing.  Having said that, however, the movie was enjoyable for the reasons mentioned.  But it isn't something I'll be talking about past this review.  I concede that this is just not a series that trips my trigger.

I'm completely incapable of making all of the religious connections that are being bandied about.  The most I can tell you is that I know that C.S. Lewis was a defined himself as Christian, and wrote many works that are in the Christian genre. I can tell you that the Chronicles of Narnia is described as Biblicaly-based.  I can glean that there are elements of spirituality in the movies/books, but to me, they are no moreso than any other work that contains a quest, a struggle between light/dark or good/evil.  And there are heroes, heroines and leaders as well as age-old journeys into the self to see what one is truly made of.  That's all I can see and I'm not to interested in trying to pump more out of it than what is there.  But in the link above, you can go read up on that yourself if so inclined.  I just shake my head when I read about all of the Christian symbolism infused in the series.  I'm just not the type to be ooooing and awwwing over its religious implications, most of which fly right over my head.

Did you make it through the book series?  What did you think?  What did you think of the movies to date?  Have you seen the PBS version?  As I recall, the PBS series was low-budget, almost like a stage play in nature, but in essence, much like the books and movies.

Movie Review: Burlesque

I know this movie hasn't been getting very good reviews, but I really enjoyed it.  The costumes are amazing, the routines are fun, the music is good and for a musical, it has rather well-developed characters.

It's a simple story:  small town girl wants the big stage life and sets out to seek it.  Over-the-hill (debatable) Burlesque Diva, who owns a Burlesque theater, is in danger of losing it due to lack of funds.  It's the old save-the-failing-place-from "progress/bankers" theme.

The people are sweet and and likable.  Cher does an amazing job in a roll that fits her well.  What does an aging Diva do?  Holy cow...she is 64, and although some of the "work" she's had done, particularly around her mouth, is a bit too much, at 64?  We all should be in such great form.

Christina Aguilera is an amazing singer.  And she can act too.  I believed her role.  And oddly, this is the first time I had realized how beautiful she is.  They showed her at times with minimal make-up, an understated hair color with a soft style, and her natural beauty came through.  Sometimes her theatrical presence in her real-life is so harsh, with such stark and dark lines and colors that she looks a bit ugly to me.  She's not.  Who knew?  Not me.

To me, the movie is good eye and ear candy.  The sexuality, is so well-done; not over-the-top gratuitous.  You see the bartenders butt...that's the extent of the nudity in this PG-13 film.  Sure, Burlesque is inherently sexually suggestive, as the style of the performance has always been.  But in this day and age of show it all, and leave nothing to imagine, I thought they handled it all with grace.

Do I think it's a good movie to take kids to?  No.  Absolutely not.  But I will admit to being extremely prudish about what I think is good for children to watch.  I don't follow the "well it's only PG-13, or PG" bandwagon.  I would not want my young daughter imitating what she saw on the screen with bump and grind routines.  I would not want my child to be belting out the tunes from the movie.  While they are not explicit, they are suggestive and sexual in nature.  I say, it's just not appropriate.  They get way too much of that in their young lives as it is.  I would call it a PG 16....I wouldn't feel comfortable allowing anyone younger than that to watch it...depending on the kid, and your set of values.

Everyone in this movie plays their roles well.  Despite the questionable reviews, I dug it.  I liked it better than Chicago and WAY better than Moulin Rouge.  Despite those being super popular movies, I didn't really like them.  But I was in the minority, I know.  So perhaps, if you loved those two movies, you might not like this one?  I don't know.  See what you think.

Dream: Tornadoes....yup...Tornadoes

As I mentioned yesterday, I had a friend die this week, and last night my son called.  He's bi-polar and wild as a Tasmanian Devil.  Just seems between old memories, old hopes and dreams, and current realities, I feel a bit swept away.

Last night, I dreamed of tornadoes.  Not, not just ONE tornado but at least 5 of them on the horizon.

In the dream, I am either in a motel, or in a small place that has a little balcony overlooking...a vast bit of land.  I'm there with a female friend, but I have no idea who she is (well, I'm sure in the dream I know who she is, otherwise that would just be silly).  I walk through the room that has the windows looking out over the balcony, and do a double-take.  I see, out on the horizon, a scene that looks something like the photo I posted.  Only there are more of them and they are closer.  My first thought is sort of it being surreal.  I holler to my friend "OMG!  Tornadoes, get a camera quick!"  Yeah, that would probably not be my first thought.

Then I'm looking and realizing that they are coming in fast.  The next thing I holler to her (she hasn't even seen what's going in yet, since she's running for the camera) is "OMG, forget the camera, we've got to get out of here!  KEYS!  KEYS!  KEYS!...."...so now I guess she's scrambling for car keys....and as I watch, I realize we don't even have time for that.  So I scream "TAKE COVER!"  There is a thought in my mind of my friend, if wondering if she is keeping up with all of my changing instructions.  A fleeting thought of doorways and bathtubs for cover.  But I remember just dropping in front of a long dresser and putting my hands over my head as it hits and things start flying.  That's when I woke up.  With a freak-nasty migraine.

So I grab my trusty-dusty dream book just to see if any of this has any symbolic meaning.

Tornadoes:  See Hurricanes.  Yeah, THANKS for THAT.
Hurricanes:  Strong, sudden changes.  One is caught in an emotional storm rather than staying in the eye of calmness.  Meditate and center.  And if there were at least 5 hurricanes...Um...I'm feeling some serious shit right now.

And, since I seemed to have been screaming about "keys", that seemed like a good thing to look up as well:
Keys:  Inner awareness that opens door to all truth; wisdom, knowledge.

Damn, this is a good book.  Sometimes it is uncanny how they hit the nail on the head.  Yup, I'm trying to find meaning in the events and situations and memories of my life and in the lives of those around me.  Trying to find the calm in the storm, and the place of knowing that all is well...or will be.

And, since there were specifically 5 tornadoes, let's take a look at what one resource gave as clues on the number 5:  Five represents your persuasiveness, spontaneity, daring/bold nature, action or the five human senses. This number may reflect a change in course. It is also the link between heaven and earth.

Interesting...very interesting...

Dreamed of My Friend After His Death

Over the weekend, an old friend of mine died.  We hadn't truly kept in touch, and I hadn't seen him in something like 25 years.  But truly, there was a fondness for this person and a depth of gratitude.  His passing stirred up some deep old memories that opened up a lot from my past.  It's been a bit of an undoing.  But that's how grief is.  The breaking open and the healing.

So against this backdrop, I dreamed that I was there, at his family home. Somehow, against all odds, I had figured out a way to fly there, overcoming the many barriers that exist to such a proposition.

I was so happy to see all of the, and was walking around the house looking at what I remembered, what had changed, just soaking in the memories. It didn't seem odd (since dreams are like that), that I was there because of my friend's death, but he was there and very much alive. He wasn't well, he was fragile, but he was ALIVE, and we were really happy to hang out together and just to talk about old times.  I remember his mother commenting with a joke at one point "you two sure are sitting too close together".  I think she sort of always hoped we would end up together way back when.

His mom was cooking, cooking, cooking like her tail was on fire...getting ready for company.   You know, it was a funeral and all.

And this may have been a random image but there were a bunch of small yellow sand pails sort of blowing across the yard.  Like leaves on the ground. Yeah, no idea about that.  Or they may have been those jumbo plastic party cups you can buy by the stack.  Just a bright yellow bunch of small containers of that shape.

And then I sort of woke up. But was in that place between awake and asleep. Awake enough to realize I was not there, nor would I be able to be there.  I wasn't fully awake...and was feeling that ache of wishing I could find a way to be there.

I felt someone sort of scoop me up in a big but very gentle bear hug and smooth the hair away from my face.  This was a real, tactile feeling, not a thought. I thought it was my husband. But then I was a bit more aware I could hear him in the kitchen. So it wasn't him. I think it was my friend.

In further examination...there could be an explanation for the yellow pails...yellow, corresponds to the solar plexus chakra...just below the rib cage...where a punch will take your breath away. And some of the emotional issues of the solar plexus chakra are personal power, and feeling in or out of control. And there were many of these little pails and they were blowing across the yard like leaves. I guess from that vantage point, it could simply be that they symbolize my feeling out of control...like there is nothing I can do...like I don't seem to have much choice or option about being there...and just how helpless that makes me feel.

My sense from that dream is that my friend is perfect and fine, but as always, wants everyone else to be OK and they just aren't right now.  That takes time.  And it was always his nature, as I recall, to be an emotional giver, to not want anyone to hurt.

I truly do believe in spirit visitations, if not directly for some, then perhaps through their dreams or through symbols. Just notice. He'll be around. A song when I turn on the radio, a feeling of him passing by...just the whisper of a hint that makes me briefly think "was that him?".

My son just got a new address....the street name is the name of our friend.  How cool is that?

After pouring over memories, that swept over me in huge, overwhelming waves, I sat down and put all of these memories and thoughts to paper and sent it to my friend's family.  Nine pages.  They may change THEIR address after this.  I feel purged and it seemed like something I needed to do.





Rest well my friend.  I SO wish I could have seen you and spent time with you while you were alive.  Life is so complicated sometimes.  I know I got the chance to tell you not too long ago, how much you meant to me.  I'm glad you knew it.

Product Review: The Earth Ball

You may think me odd...well, if you don't yet, from all previous posts, perhaps not...

I'm a tactile and visual person, especially when I do healing work.  It doesn't always work for me when I do distance healing to just sit and visualize the person I'm sending healing to, so I often will hold a ball or a pillow or something that can represent their head and then I can conduct the distance healing almost as if they were literally in my hands.

The same goes for "praying for world peace" or praying for the universe or for a specific area where a tragic event has occurred.  It just is hard for me to grasp. 

Enter the Earth Ball.  Mine just arrived today. It is a large blow up beach ball that is the globe.  Not the globe we are used to from grade school with all the lines neatly drawn and everything labeled, but this is a graphic of what the world looks like from space.

When the pain of the world, or world relations and trauma seem too overwhelming to articulate, I can simply sit in silence and hold the world.  I can focus on sending it love and peace and healing.  I can lay my hand on areas of particular high need at any given moment and send healing energy to them.  And I do believe that sending energy and sending prayer and sending healing thoughts, reaches the target.  It is like a pebble dropped into a pond...the ripples flow out and are present for a long time to come.  Imagine if we all sent such ripples out into the world.

And while holding this ball, it did not escape me, how much it feels like holding a very pregnant belly, just before birth.  There is a sense of being mother of the planet.  Not that I fancy myself a Deity, just that I can imagine trying to just be present with the earth and wish it well and hold it in love.  It's very "mother earthy".

It's about $14 plus postage and mine arrived quickly...within a couple of days.  Some people use it to educate themselves and their children about how the earth may really look, vs the school version.  Oh, and did I mention (no of course I didn't), that if you expose it to light, it will glow in the dark for a while?  Can't wait to try that out!

Sometimes the needs of the world are so great and so overwhelming, that it's just nice to sit down and hold it and say "I wish you well.  I wish you peace.  I pray we all find our way.  I love you."  Sometimes I just can't be any more specific than that.

Book Review: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver

Published in 2007, this non-fiction work chronicles the efforts of famed fiction author Barbara Kingsolver (The Bean Trees,  The Poisonwood Bible, etc) and her family. They have committed to a year of doing their darndest to eat only foods grown locally or grown by them.

For the most part, each chapter takes you through each month of the year, what is growing then, how it is harvested, and what some of their decisions and thought are along the way.

This family really makes a valiant effort and the book is a myriad of influences and conjures up a variety of feelings and opinions from me.  It is informative, educational, inspirational, daunting, preachy, humorous and always thought-provoking.  Sometimes I feel like I want to recommend it to everyone, and sometimes I want to throw it across the room.

There are a LOT of, not always well-substantiated "facts" about the way the food world works and statistics that there is no way for anybody to have determined.  All in all, however, they are pause for thought.  Sometimes Kingsolver's approach and "voice" is militant, almost angry, very insistent, and to quote her own words about other people, "tediously PC".  At times I am motivated to do all I can do to be all I can be and jump on her bandwagon, and sometimes I am so utterly overwhelmed by the magnitude of what it takes to go back to the basics, that I want to go eat processed food until I pass out.  There are some fantastic recipes and menu plans at the end of almost every chapter that assist people with dealing with the bounty and excess and tedium that eating seasonally can bring.  See what I mean?...I'm all over the map...I love it and hate it.  But mostly I love it.

Kingsolver takes us through what it means to eat locally (becoming a locivore and eating only that which is produced within a certain mile radius), seasonally (only eating that which grows in your area at any given time), preserving (putting away for the months when nothing is growing), and animal husbandry (I've never been so fascinated as I was with the life, sexuality, and lack of breeding ability for domestic turkeys).  They have farmland and are determined to make the best use of it.  They grow all they can, learn how to manage poultry for eggs and meat, and purchase from other locals needed items they don't self-produce.

I had, sadly enough, never considered the over utilization of fossel fuel in the transportation of foods from far flung reaches of the globe.  Nor had I given much thought to why farm-fresh and farmer's market foods are often more expensive...because of the higher quality and lower volume.  Sure I had heard about fair trade, and organic, but I'm just a baby when it comes to ingesting the full ramifications of the state of our food industry.  There are breeds of animals and plants that are near extinction because nobody grows them anymore because the industries have chosen the strongest, fastest growing, or the ones modified to not die easily.  I learned from this book about the lowered levels of cholesterol and higher levels of nutrition in home-grown and farm-grown organic meats/plants.  There is just so so much to think about from this book.  It can bury you under the weight of all the things it would be good for you to change.

I'm making changes...slowly.  And I'm not sure I could go as far as they've gone.  But I never would have EVER thought I would be as far along with changes as I am already at this moment, so I never say never.  They took on quite the challenge and I admire them for it.  There were times when the delivery was a bit intense for me though.  Or maybe I just feel guilty for buying bananas.

  Well, you get the picture, She's written a LOT of books.  Which one's do YOU recommend and why?

Dream Travel & Past Lives, Could They Be the Same Thing?

I've got a theory.  Maybe somebody else has already thought of it, but that doesn't really matter.

I have had enough experiences, and have read about countless others, and have talked to friends and clients with unexplainable experiences enough to fully believe that there is something more going on when we dream linear dreams or when we feel we have lived in another time or in another place.  I don't believe it is simply an overactive imagination or people making up wild attributions.  Ya know, ALL of science once fell into this category.  Science is basically wondering...with a lot of ego and testosterone hanging off of it.

I wonder, if dream travel, and past lives may be similar aspects of the same thing.  Traveling through time and space. Existing, living and functioning in other dimensions.

I'm sure I've touched on these concepts before.  Quantum physicists have long ago come to the conclusion that time and space as we have come to define it, do not exist.  Now that in and of itself is difficult stuff for most people to grasp.  It has also been shown that objects are not solid mass, they are all simply particles of energy vibrating at differing frequencies to give them the appearance of matter.  That's wild stuff too.

But, when you think about it, our clocks, our calendars, our concepts of past, present and future have all pretty much been defined for us, and are not based on such hard facts to hang your hat on.  We know there are repeating cycles of light and dark, and of planetary cycles and tidal cycles.  And we've structured ourselves around our rudimentary understanding about how those things work.  We know that grandma lived, and was here and is not anymore so she existed, but in the past.  Or did she?

What if, we have limited our thinking to such a degree as to define our experience and restrict our ability to expand beyond those confines?

What if, past lives, and astral travel, and past, present and future are all the same and not linear?  What if we are all capable of existing in multiple times, multiple locations and inhabiting many selves simultaneously?  What if past life glimpses are simply glimpses of ourselves in different dimensions of existence?  Not so much that we were a person in the dark ages and THEN, in Spain, and THEN in the 40's, and THEN a man, and THEN a woman...but that we are all of them, NOW.  OK, that might put a kink in your brain stem!

And since I also have experiences of not only traveling in dreams, and of seeing glimpses of myself in different forms in different places and times (or so I've come to think of them as different), I've also experienced contact and communication with spirit beings.  I feel that they exist.  And they must exist on a plane that overlays our own, but is not the same enough for most of us to even know it is there.  What if Grandma never really died, but changed form and faded into a different dimension or we moved out of the dimension where she exists?  I can't really explain our cycle of birth and death in those terms, but I'm still just very much exploring the mind-boggling ideas.  And I don't think it will ever be proven or debunked with any certainty.

They always say reality is what we make it.  That we define it.  Why allow a mass idea of reality to be "it"?  How many times have scientists gotten it wrong, or projected and idea that furthered a hidden agenda? (...yeah, I know, once I cross into the realm of "conspiracy theory", I get a bigger nut-job name tag).

Recently on the news, scientists postulated finding the edge of the universe and gave some sextillion number for the number of stars.  My husband said "but how do they know how many stars, and what's beyond that edge?"  I like that he ponders these things and questions them.  We question different things in different ways but it is good to ponder.  To wonder.  To question the reality that someone else fed us.  Scientists have been telling us where the edge is since there were scientists.

Just think of the reality that certain illnesses were "demonic possessions", and that certain illnesses were caused by the doing of this thing or the not doing of that thing.  That's evolution baby!  We live and learn.

What do you think?  Have you ever wondered about stuff like this?

I have used, to great benefit, some of these concepts in my energy work with others.  Sometimes, in a deep state of relaxation, we are able to walk back in time (however many lifetimes or planes of existence an issue exists on), to the root of where an issue actually started...and heal it from it's source.  We have often found together that a resistant problem didn't usually just crop up from one identifying event in our known lifetime.  Usually they are bigger than that.  So sometimes people find me for healing work when traditional methods have failed.  They've been in talk therapy for years and could teach a class on how to transcend their issue, and yet it doggedly persists.  That's an OLD issue that has MULTIPLE dimensions.  And we explore that.

We have also found together that going in, on this deep level, also alters some of our relationships with others.  Let's say for example, that my sister has always hated me.  We've never gotten along.  I want to heal my hurt over this.  So with the help of the type of healer who understands this time/space thing (or at least one who is not limited to the traditional ways of thinking of time/space), we go back back back...to where the issue first began...however many lifetimes or dimensions we need to go to find the root.  And we see if we can heal it there and on all the levels moving forward to now (assuming a linear theory again).  I have had it happen, that after such a healing session, the issue is healed in the OTHER party too..the other sister is healed of her hatred without having had to do anything, go anywhere or talk to anyone.  When you heal it in once place, it can be healed in all places.  Not always, for sure.  Because the other party also has their own journey, and things they must do on their own.  But sometimes, if the lesson isn't a vital one for THEIR path, it simply heals.  Tough to grasp and WAY cool to witness.

Look up remote viewing.  With these techniques, people are traveling through space and time to look at what is going on in other places.  Even governments have employed and explored it as a means of peeking in on the enemy (not the best use of it, in my opinion), and people have used remote viewing to hop ahead and view their lives 5 years from now, 10 years from now and so on.  So if you can view the future...it must already be happening somewhere.  Weird right?

Now, I AM aware that all of this stuff totally flies in the face of most religions.  But religions are narrowly defined constructs of existence.  Sorry, but they are.  They are no more fact than most of science.  People CHOOSE what to believe and their experiences are restricted or expanded accordingly.  Spirituality and religion are two very different things.  My experiences have shown me that religions cannot work well for me because of their restrictive dogma.  But that's not to say that I'm not a highly spiritual person.  We all are.

I keep hearing in the back of my head (Oh the VOICES, THE VOICES!...just kidding), that I should read the old book, A Wrinkle in Time.  I think I shall.  Have you read it?  Does it even touch on any of this?  I know it's fiction...but hey...my life is pretty much fiction to most people.