I found this email from Tuesday, April 17th, 2007, the day after the shootings. I wrote it to a friend of mine discussing what I had experienced during sleep as a repeating message:
I had a really BUSY night. One of those where I feel drugged and unable to move or wake up and just keep having snippets of people's stories one right after the other...non-important things...like I'm having my legs waxed...having my hair cut...doing ordinary mundane things with great detail but they aren't "me".
When I finally did get up (totally missed going to the club with hubby, totally missed him leaving for work), a statement keeps going through my head like a broken record..."There has been a tear in the fabric of the Universe...there has been a tear in the fabric of the universe..."...Then later when I asked "so what? What does that mean?" all I got was "we weave it back together with Love".
I think this has something to do with those shootings. Guessing there are a bunch of people that don't know they are dead. At last count I think it was 33 including the shooter. Supposedly the largest number in US history for a domestic shooting spree.
Also something about the fear this generated in people (sense of safety), anger (at the shooter, his family etc) when in reality, his was a tortured soul...very sad, very desperate (I'm feeling a great deal of compassion for him), and just recently read...I think in that 1923 book we started reading, that there are no acts of Evil, simply acts by people on lower levels of the learning curve.
I'm not sure why I'm being hammered when I don't understand if there is a purpose for it. The only thing I can think to "do" is to pray for the peace...to visualize the resewing of the fabric, of being kind and loving to people, of pointing out when/if I hear talk of this "evil" person who did the shooting and meet the anger/fear with love and compassion for his pain...a pain so great that these actions came forth from him.