This one comes from July of 2007 when I wrote to a couple of healer friends to ask their impressions about some recent experiences I was having. I didn't get detailed responses, but it shows you some of how I was processing experiences at this time.
"...I also had another coma-like dreaming night with blasting migraine. Pretty much the same kind of thing I described in an e-mail to you last week...last wk it was the message about "Mad Matilda...fire...warn them". That msg felt insistent so I did my best to formulate an unsigned letter that didn't sound too freaky, encouraging them to get a fire or electrical inspection.
Last night it was lots of stuff but it boiled down in the end to a white, dark haired female and a name, place and the word "Cancer". Another message I was to give to someone. Then, like last week, I slept the headache off...with medication, until 10:30...got up, had an orange and some water and went back to bed until noon. I still have the headache but it's lots better. In the phone book, I found one similar last name and I'm guessing this message is for his wife but I don't know her name. Will work on finding out. Not sure if I will send an unsigned letter to her too...leave out the cancer bit and encourage a thorough check up.
It is almost like when there is a communication coming of a more prophetic sense, I have to be put out really deep. I have trouble awakening, it usually involves physical pain, and I feel like I've been drugged by some really powerful knock-out meds. Like some force or spirit or something makes sure I am out really deep.
So...in trying to wrap my brain around this, I was thinking back to the dolphin book I just read. The author is an MSW activist who is working hard to end the use of sonar by the government as it has been shown to kill dolphins and whales by exploding their tissues and in particular their inner ears. She has also experienced many sonar blasts in swimming with dolphins and whales and on one occasion with a whale received a blast that made it instantly clear that they too, had the ability to explode tissue with their sonar.
I drew an intuitive connection to this and what is happening with me on a physical level. I'm wondering if as I am being introduced to higher and higher vibrational levels through these communications, if it is having a short term detrimental impact on my tissues and in turn, my body recovers and adapts to ever increasing vibrational levels...sort of like base camp in mountain climbing and adjusting to altitudes. Thoughts on that?
And, wondering if this is sort of like boot camp and the communications are less important in and of themselves, as "maneuvers or exercises" as part of my training and adaptation to receiving information...the developmental practice preparing me for whatever it is I am to use it all for. And that as a person with free will, I can choose to pass on the messages if I want or not, just as the recipient can choose to act on or believe the message or not. Cuz, seems like if a message is vitally important, there are plenty of other people far better at receiving than I am, and the communicator can always go to somebody else if the message has to get through. Thoughts on that??
Also a while back when we were working on my issues with wanting to take away or take on the pain of others and you asked for me to consider the role of pain etc....How 'bout this...pain is the teacher. If I seek to remove pain from everybody who has it, I rob them of their opportunity to learn...no matter how young or old they are. And, IF that is correct, what is the role of a healer...especially in cases of instant and miraculous healing? And if that is correct, how does one know when it is important for them to take a stand and intervene rather than to stand back and allow the experience to unfold (ie like with children, elderly, infirm/disabled). How do you sort the higher being world of knowing the perfect plan is in place, and the human world of intervention?
At present, I'm sort of seeing a foggy glimmer of a future that combines some form of physical healer with spiritual communicator/medium. I don't really have either of those skills in any kind of predictable or consistent way, so not really sure what that means. Does that fit with anything you are sensing with me? I just can't quite see people coming to me with an expectation like a vending machine that I will give them what they seek. I mean, if somebody came wanting to contact their dead uncle Joe, could I do that?? So far communication comes to me rather than me going after it.
Time seems to be moving unnaturally quickly for me right now. I'm doing nothing but it's like I get up, and soon it's time for bed. I can't say I've been spending disciplined sit down time in full-on meditation 3x per day 7 days a week like I envisioned, but I tend to stay in the house most of the time with the TV and radio off...not reading or really doing much if anything, and am lost someplace in my head. I may watch squirrels in the feeder for a long time, or just sit with eyes open and time is gone. Is this still some form of meditation even though I define it in the more strict sense? I find that my husband talks and I ask him a question which is exactly what he just said and I feel rotten, cause, he obviously sees that I'm looking at him and not hearing a darn thing he says. At the same time, I'm not really aware of dwelling or thinking about much of anything at any given point in time.
I'm wanting to go have dolphin therapy, go to St Gertrudes, take Upledger courses and full-on delve into my spirituality. I seem to have difficulty manifesting the means to finance it. Is it just that I'm not meant to have these experiences yet or do I have a big karmic block where abundance is concerned? Scratch that question...I think I see that Yes...there is a block. Can you help me look at that? Cuz even without a job, I know on some level it is possible somehow for money/opportunity to flow to me.
Lots of questions I know, but sometimes I really feel the need for more words/explanations even though I'm trying really hard to just let it all unfold.
I got all the stuff for a 2 week cleanse. I'll have to wait until after Sunday to start since my neighbor wants me to go to breakfast with her on Sunday to celebrate her 88th birthday. Can't miss that! It feels really special that of all the multitudes of people she is friends/associated with in her long time in this community, she chose me to celebrate with. She's only known me since August, and we don't interact all that often. She continually refers to me as an angel or that there was a Divine hand in our meeting. Sometimes I swear she channels my grandmother! Must be a karmic relationship reunited at the end of her life. She seems to recognize me in that big karmic sense.
and this was one response I got back:
I haven't forgotten to write or anything, I am still digesting all of your thoughts. They are truly amazing and it gives me hope for the future of what will be. You have an incredible brain that is able to wrap your way around these thoughts and feelings and everything that there are no words for. Being able to put into words, the goings on in our universe is a special gift and I believe that we have to make our team aware of your words in order to make sense of them. Thank you for sharing. Again, I am still pondering and chewing on your thoughts and theories. You are incredible.